Writing by Dave on Thursday, 10 April, 2008 at 11:15 am
Britney Spears was so moved by the stories on Fox’s Idol gives back that she has personally donated $25,000:
“She did it all on her own. She watched the show and cried for like two hours over the children in Africa with malaria,” a Spears family insider tells Life & Style. “She didn’t know much about the disease, so she Googled it. She was horrified to realize kids were dying from mosquito bites. So she went online and donated after getting [her dad] Jamie’s permission. She used her Amex.”
Way to make positive news, Brit! See how we aren’t calling for your head?
Though, if you want to bring us the head of Miley Cyrus, we’d be up for that.
Writing by Dave on Thursday, 13 March, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Remember how a few minutes ago, we were saying that studios aren’t even trying to hide the fact that they are basically pleading for your money while one of their buddies lets the air out of your tires and pickpockets you?
That’s not exactly what we said, but that’s exactly how we felt during this part of American Idol last night when Jim Carey went through his painful contractual obligations and Ryan Seacrest had to play along.
Writing by Dave on Tuesday, 11 March, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Every couple of weeks a nude picture scandal pops up on the internet, and still this nation is filled with stupid teenagers and twentysomethings who think it’s a great idea to take naked photos in digital format.
Invest in a Polaroid camera, make the trip to Rite Aid, buy a lock box; seriously folks, these things come back to get you. The internet is like one big elephant that never forgets and, to mix metaphors, it’s always in the room during naked photos.
As people who live on the internet, our lives have become constantly “on the record” in our friends eyes. We get lots of “don’t blog about this” or “don’t put this on the internet” and rightfully so.
“Someone in her home state of Indiana is shopping nude pictures of [American Idol contestant] Amanda [Overmyer]-and they’ve been offered big money….If those pictures pop up on the Internet, Idol will have another huge scandal on it’s hands.”
The sad thing is that if this rumor is true and there are pictures, we can expect to see them within the next two weeks.
We’ve said it before about Idol scandals, and we’ll say it again: on a show that depends on the audience voting, any publicity is good publicity. That’s why we get constant Idol scandals that pop up.
If Fox can stomach the blow from critics who take shots at the show for lax background checks and planting contestants, then they will take the hit and watch curious bystanders keep caring while the active voters keep voting.
We’re stuck on spin-cycle here, except this spin cycle has the promise of nipples. Which we’re all in favor of as long as Amanda didn’t have white girl dreds at the time.
Writing by Dave on Tuesday, 4 March, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Oh ho! Let the Idol scandals continue.
Ever since there have been American Idol contestants, there have been scandals on the internets. It’s gotten some people kicked off the show, and the stories are always the endless fodder for hundreds of sites decrying the evil of American Idol.
To us, it just goes to show that everyone has that thing in their closet, or sometimes they don’t even know that thing should be in a closet.
Like this old Christmas video where current contestant Daniel Noriega looks all gay-punked out and tells us all that he hopes Santa Claus rapes our mothers.
Because Santa isn’t scary enough until he’s revealed to be a serial rapist like all the other balding fat men with big white beards (suppressing childhood memory…).Also in the news today, more false Idolatry.
“American Idol” contestant David Hernandez once entertained audiences by removing his clothes instead of singing tunes, a manager at a male strip club in Phoenix told The Associated Press.
The 24-year-old finalist from Glendale, Ariz., once worked as a stripper at Dick’s Cabaret, appearing fully nude and performing lap dances for the club’s “mostly male” clientele, club manager Gordy Bryan said Monday.
“He had the look and the type that people like, so he made pretty good money here,” Bryan said.
It’s not clear whether a history as a stripper could disqualify Hernandez from the competition. In 2003, finalist Frenchie Davis was dismissed because of her appearance on an adult Web site; but last year, Antonella Barba remained in the competition after racy photos of her surfaced on the Internet.
“He never renewed his licensing with the state, so he hasn’t been on my roster since then,” Bryan said.
Fox spokeswomen Jill Hudson did not immediately return telephone calls seeking comment Monday.
According to Bryan, Hernandez steadily worked at the club for three years until September 30, 2007.
We’re going to try to look past our giddiness that there appears to be some sort of official gay striper license in the state of Arizona and offer this up: Who the hell cares about this crap?
The whole premise of American Idol is that basically normal people humiliate themselves until we break one down into a soulless shell that we can elevate and destroy on our alter of fame.
Kicking people off of a show where the audience votes people off seems like an exercise in redundancy. They get rating from the same people who tell them who they want top watch. If the American public is into gay western singer/strippers, let the guy win and make an album called Assless Chaps for all we care.
Writing by Dave on Friday, 29 February, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Pretend for a moment that you don’t have a TV, you don’t have internet and you certainly don’t spend time reading sites like us that would be interested in this tomfoolery.
Try to hold the idea in your head that you have been living up in the Rocky Mountains off the carcasses of deer that you have killed. You have painstakingly worked your ass off everyday, and you’ve finally found whatever you were looking for and decide to return to society.
You get to a friend’s house, tell them about living in the mountains for awhile, and they turn on the newest American Idol results show, like any television-centric family.
We think that’s the best way to fully enjoy the absurdity from American Idol this week where everyone treated Alaina with kid gloves after she broke out in tears and admitted that she couldn’t sing.
The clear absurdity here is that American Idol tells people they aren’t good enough, then makes them sing the song America hated all over again. Alaina’s cracking is shameful, sure, but she was provoked by the Fox ratings gods in the name of the American Public.
This is what is done in our name these days (about 7 years ago, we went to war in our name, so we guess things are sorta better), and that’s the most absurd aspect.
Writing by Dave on Wednesday, 20 February, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Paula Abdul has released her video for “Dance Like American Idol Is Still Doing Well,” which includes some of our favorite 90s video clichés, right down to the dirt-cheap CGI photo effects probably sliced together by some intern that knows After Effects.
It also looks like they just cleared out the studio used for Aaliyah’s Dr. Dolitte track “Are You That Somebody” and decided it would be too expensive to re-dress it, so they’d just splice in some video segments in the background.But, knowing stupid music culture of the damned, there’s always a chance this thing will blow up and we’ll be biting our tongue for weeks to come…
Read more...
Writing by Dave on Tuesday, 19 February, 2008 at 5:17 pm
American Idol isn’t doing well this season. They recently made a deal with Apple, so Idol’s “official media player” is now iTunes.
You can bet your precious left nut (we know your right one is no good) that Idol performances will be up on iTunes to buy.
Idol really is doing everything they can to recover from Sajaya, who managed to stay on the show with his absurd but luck with teenage girls plus big backing from Internet sites like Vote For The Worst who try to take down Idol at every turn.
When we say Idol is doing everything, this is not limited to stacking the competition as the Today show uncovered.
So is Idol for amateurs even if the ratings tank?
Hell no, it’s on FOX, one of the greediest networks around that consistently suffers from “The Simpsons Curse,” a hex so foul that all good shows get turned to crap and kept on forever, while all bad shows manage to blossom.
Writing by Dave on Monday, 4 February, 2008 at 10:30 am
Paula Abdul’s pre-taped Superbowl performance was notably unremarkable with the American Idol judge hopping around the stage from choreography piece to choreography piece like it was her fifth take trying to get the performance right.
All things being considered, this was literally the best she could do. If Paula got up there and actually sang the song with a band who actually had Randy Jackson in it, the show would have been horrible. Instead, pre-taped sound proves once again that all you need to do to be a successful pop star is take your choreography and lip-syncing seriously.
The worst she could have possibly done was a re-hash of Britney Spears’ lazy “Gimme More” performance seen ‘round the world.
So is Paula back? Not really. You just might hear this song on the radio and in department stores for a few weeks.
It’s more disturbing that this is the music that two American Idol judges make. Does it seem to anyone else that their golden-standard for pop seems to be pretty generic and crappy?
Writing by Dave on Monday, 3 December, 2007 at 3:43 pm
But this one was too good to pass up. The story, admittedly a bit boring at first, has only become more appalling as details are filled in.
Now TMZ has some footage of her actually in the police station, puking, translating into fascinating images what were before only boring words.
Reading is for losers:
Writing by Dave on Monday, 3 December, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Season 5 American Idol contestant Kellie Pickler appeared recently on Fox’s question-name show “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?” Surprisingly, she is not.
Even more terrifying, she’s not even as smart as the show’s host, Jeff Foxworthy. If you don’t know whether or not France is a country, you might be…really..stupid. Damn, sorry.
The question that […]
Writing by Dave on Monday, 3 December, 2007 at 10:09 am
The stories surrounding this girl’s arrest just keep getting better. Worse, I mean. Much worse.
A local Fox News affiliate in Tampa, Sierra’s throwing, kicking, and stomping grounds, reports that Sierra made more of a scene than originally thought. After causing the ruckus that got her arrested, she resisted arrest, as we all know, but then […]
Writing by Dave on Sunday, 2 December, 2007 at 3:32 pm
11 years! Jessica Sierra, general mess, American Idol loser, and God, I’m sure there’s more, may face up to 11 years for violating her parole earlier this week.
“Obviously the bar scene isn’t working out so well for you. I suggest you find another form of entertainment,” said the judge who laid the legal smack down […]
Writing by Dave on Saturday, 1 December, 2007 at 11:10 am
Who do these former American Idol contestants think they are? Making headlines for no other reason than being a total f**k up has long been the territory of the Hollywood aristocracy and wealthy heirs, not ballsy little firebrands like Jessica Sierra, a.k.a. 2005 American Idol #10th place loser.
But you do have to respect this girl’s […]
