Miley Cyrus had another MySpace photo leak. These aren’t as sexy as the Vanity Fair pics, but you think the girl would have pulled down all her shit already. With Hanna Montana’s ratings on the decline, Miley needs to turn her business around fast, before she joins Cruse, Lohan, Wino, Britney, Jessica and Paris in our Falling Stars category.

We guess Jennifer Aniston really is dating John Mayer. They got all lovey (and nipple-y) yesterday at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Miami.

And since our hearts are not made of stone; you might want to check out Elizabeth Hurley’s cleavage and Fergie photographed mid-fall.

Imagineered transcript from inside Disney’s secret office directly below the Epcot center

EXEC ONE: Boy, this Miley Cyrus thing is really a bigger deal than we thought.

EXEC TWO: Hanna Montana makes too much money to let this stop us. It will roll over like all these stupid news items picked up by the internet.

EXEC ONE: I dunno, this might have some staying power. Did you see Ellen? We might be able to roll this onto Annie Leibovitz.

EXEC TWO: Leibovitz will run for cover. This won’t hurt her, it will hurt our Hanna Montana millions.

EXEC ONE: We should just pull Cyrus then.

EXEC TWO: Agreed.

EXEC ONE: I can’t finish this Stem-Cell Stew we made from the abortions we forced all the pregnant costume characters to get.

EXEC TWO: If you’re not going to finish it, I will. Waste not.

[REAL NEWS: Disney pulls Miley Cyrus promotions: “You won’t be seeing her for a while. The company is keeping her away from events … They’re trying to keep her contained.”]

As the internet
Continues
To
Obsess
About
Miley
Cyrus

We would like to draw attention to the above photo printed in the New York Times travel section today, in an article about nude vacations. Sounds fun!

Thanks to BWE for being ballsy enough to let us know when a major newspaper prints a photo with such obvious ball-shadow.

Since VanityFair.com has either accidentally hidden the article or simply pulled it altogether in the face of Miley’s “apology” and the media’s voracious attitude, we’ve tracked down the full thing.

You can read it by clicking “Read More…”

Poor Hanna Montana. She does one artsy Vanity Fair spread with her father and this morning, the media is ready to rip her a new one.

Although the above picture is a little disturbing in an Achey-Breaky-Incest sort of way, the real troublemaker is this shot here:

15-years old folks, so she, of course had to apologize, saying to some news outlet: “I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed. I apologise to my fans who I care so deeply about.”

No telling who got this quote first, as the wires are alight with everyone’s opinion. Best Week Ever pointed out that there are at least 101 legitimate search results when looking for news of this “scandal” on Google News.

What’s worse is that VanityFair.com has a conveniently looping link where the Bruce Handy story should be and tells you that the slide show that once included more images of semi-topless Cyrus is “not here.”

Has Vanity Fair started to pull back in the face of Disney?

We’re going to be back to tell you more about this one as we start reading the first 30-40 articles.

It’s Cyrus scandal day, the first of it’s kind.

Britney Spears: you are now free to move about the cabin.

</sarcasm>

The world has declared Miley Cyrus as the most interesting person on the planet right now, probably because she is the biggest star in the teen/tween demographic and because we’re all rich bastards with internet access here in the US, that’s the demographic that has the expendable income to spend on Miley Cyrus crap.

Heaven forbid we don’t report on her, we just wante you to know that, yes, we know it’s fucking ridiculous.

Here is some serious advice for the little Cyrus: delete every picture you have ever taken on a digital camera right now. Just now. Purge them all.

Because if you posing in your panties wasn’t enough, these Just Jared candid shots are only the tip of the iceberg as far as the internet invading your personal life is going to go.

Britney is doing better, Paris is f*cking boring, Ashlee Simpson is all knocked up and Amy Winehouse refuses to do anything really interesting.

It’s already been agreed upon that we now need to bring the celebrity gossip gods the head of Miley Cyrus, but we’re unsure how to approach this task.

Mostly because we keep finding stuff online like this video blog presented as a one off, but somehow also involving full scale choreography?

If this is the press we get on Miley Cyrus, it means she’s still in control of her own press.

Which means we have to dig deeper. But, until then, can someone tell us what the hell this video is supposed to be doing/promoting/selling?

We’re confused all over the place with this Teenie Bopper 2.0 marketing.

Britney Spears was so moved by the stories on Fox’s Idol gives back that she has personally donated $25,000:

“She did it all on her own. She watched the show and cried for like two hours over the children in Africa with malaria,” a Spears family insider tells Life & Style. “She didn’t know much about the disease, so she Googled it. She was horrified to realize kids were dying from mosquito bites. So she went online and donated after getting [her dad] Jamie’s permission. She used her Amex.”

Way to make positive news, Brit! See how we aren’t calling for your head?

Though, if you want to bring us the head of Miley Cyrus, we’d be up for that.

The life of a paparazzi isn’t all about having the shit beat out of you by other paparazzi.

Take this video of Miley Cyrus mocking a photog that fell and singing Happy Birthday to a videographer.

Even on the other side of the pond, paps were having fun arguing with Amy Winehouse after she told a cabbie to wait on the street for half-an-hour, then decided not to go anywhere:

Daddy Spears let Britney come out and play yesterday, and the Pop Wreck proved that she can still bring out the media. The cops were eventually called in, along with a very unfortunate and useless umbrella, to handle the paps as Britney exited the Tracey Ross boutique.

As always, there is accompanying Hollywood.TV video, which is entertaining because they don’t treat their audio, allowing us to laugh as underpaid videographers talk about how “crazy” the Britney circuit really is.

Do you see this Miley Cyrus? This is your future unless the Spears clan decides to let their eldest out of her bonds. If Britney is set loose on Hanna Montana’s ass, we’d watch.

They could just approach each other and make their individual paparazzi swarms fight like the Jets and the Sharks.

Crazy!

Cool!

IMG: SplashNews

We called it.

South Park called it.

Now, we have the data to back it up.

BuzzFoto founder Brad Elterman had this to say to The Daily News:

“Over the weekend, there were less than a half dozen covering Britney. Yet there were 30 in the pack covering Miley Cyrus. Most of them were Britney regulars, but they want something new and fresh. It’s moved on to Miley.”

Miley Cyrus gets her own category now, though we’ll wait until she starts flashing her vagina around before we move her into the “Falling Stars” category.

We’ve found a new virgin to sacrifice for the harvest.

You know, we’re turning a corner here as a nation. Today’s news looks to be the beginning of a changing of the guard as far as pop stars we love to hate or hate to love.

New hypothesis: we’re done with Britney Spears. On to Miley Cyrus.

Here’s how we’ve come to this conclusion:

Us Magazine talked to the cast of How I Met Your Mother, who just finished filming with Brit Brit for their new episode that will air on March 24th.

Everyone seems to think that Spears did well and was surprisingly not crazy.

“She was lovely,” Alyson Hannigan told Usmagazine.com at the sitcom’s re-launch party in West Hollywood Thursday.

“She’s just a person — so sweet and funny,” Hannigan added. “We just talked about our clothes and dogs, and it was surprisingly just normal.”

The rest of the cast couldn’t stop raving about the actress — who shot scenes Wednesday and Thursday in L.A. — either.

“She’s beautiful,” actor Jason Segel told Us. “You know, I was so focused on her hair that I’m overwhelmed with adjectives! She was great and lovely.”

He said he wasn’t surprised that Spears nailed her role as a dorky receptionist who falls for Ted (Josh Radnor).

“She was great,” Segel added. “She was better than all five of us, so I guess that says a lot.”

Added Cobie Smulders, “She was very professional and her comedic timing was great!”

That report combined with a Reuter’s speculation piece called “Britney: Is she back ‘in the zone,’” which wisely points out that Spears released an animated video for her third single (the animated fact means that it might not be her fault it’s so bad) as well as booking the How I Met Your Mother gig.

Both appearances send a strong message: Britney can work again.

This Monday, another hearing will be held in her conservatorship/restraining order joint cases where we might get some juicy tidbits as to how things are going. Did Sam Lutfi really drive Britney crazy with drugs? It’s starting to look that way, simply because Jamie Spears, Britney’s father has gotten results less than 50 days after Britney was hospitalized.

So if we’re done with Britney: now what?

In an online poll with 4000 participants, Ocean Up’s readers have declared that Miley Cyrus is like Britney in every way, right down to the bogus Christianity and virgin-juke, which can’t work for the 15 year old forever.

This switch isn’t going to be instant, but the stage is set for Cyrus to take over the pop princess crown, in which case we will rag on her until we break her soul.

We’re not trying to be mean, that’s just what happens. You live in America, you know this.

We’re putting our giant-sized metaphorical fork in the metaphorical road of pop celebrity and saying that this week was the beginning of the transition.

3 years from now when Miley hits 18 and sparks start flying when she changes her image to be more “adult,” we’ll be here, laughing and reminding you of this day in history.