We’ve been hanging around Paris Hilton news for a few years now, following her from socialite to porn star and finally to national joke. But with her new song and music video sucking so hard that we puked in our collective mouth, we’re done covering Paris Hilton for awhile.

It’s not funny any more, even in an absurd way.

CLICK HERE to purge your lunch.

Oh, the trash of this past hour!

Due to a DV-R malfunction, we missed Gossip Girl last night and were forced to add to their pool of iTunes download money. If that wasn’t trashy enough, we ended up listening to Paris Hilton’s newest song called “My BFF,” which will double as the theme song for her MTV series we already hate.

“My BFF” was co-written by boy-toy Benji Madden of Good Charlotte, so though it sucks because it’s pop from a stuck-up heiress who wasn’t THAT famous until we all had the option to buy a porn with her in it, it is catchier than previous Hilton efforts, which only means that 14-year-old girls who are unsure why she’s famous in the first place might just latch on to this.

Give it a listen if you are 14 or especially brave. HERE.

“Dave, what are you doing? Three Vin Diesel stories in a row? Are you trying to chase our readers away?”

Look, Vin Diesel movie news, though some time regrettable, is not hitting you over the head with an idiot stick. That would be something like the new promo for the MTV series Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, which looks like it might become the most vapid show on television.

Because people are competing for the right to hang out with Paris Hilton, which would have been fine some decade ago when we cared about reality programming on MTV and Paris Hilton was young enough to make this something other than fame-whoring. Sadly, famewhoring is all we’ve come to expect form her.

We don’t think we’d ever hear of the day when someone brought legal action against Paris Hilton for NOT promoting something. There’s that Paris-centric episode of South Park where all the little girls dress like whores to emulate Hilton, and we always thought we’d hear a debacle over the real-life encounters that could arise from a world of Paris.

Like: how can we expect people to take her seriously after they’ve seen her porno? How are we going to market The Simple Life when one of our stars has this porno? Basically, the whole phenomena of Paris Hilton becoming five-or-six times bigger in the media because she was in this night-shot skin flick where she was more concerned with her phone than the dude she was with. The dude got to date Pam Anderson and Paris Hilton became one of the most famus people in the world. We were expecting lawsuits like: “Tell Paris Hilton to stop getting her slutty photos taken while she’s holding a Coke.”

Instead, we get this weirdness:

Paris Hilton didn’t do enough pledging for a 2006 sorority comedy, according to a lawsuit filed Tuesday.

Worldwide Entertainment Group Inc. filed the lawsuit in U.S. District Court in Miami, alleging the 27-year-old model-actress-heiress owes $75,000 in damages for not fulfilling promotional obligations.

Hilton entered into an agreement in 2004 for the production and distribution of the movie “National Lampoon’s Pledge This!,” according to the lawsuit. Hilton starred in the film and received credit as an executive producer.

The Miami-based concern said it paid Hilton and her company, Paris Hilton Entertainment Inc., $1 million for “Hilton’s acting services” and for “reasonable promotion and publicity” for the movie, which was released in 2006 and featured Hilton as the president of an exclusive sorority.

Paris Hilton owing someone $75K is like Dave owing another guy a handjob; just keep the pictures off of Facebook and he’ll pay up.

Sorry this had to hit the papers, Paris, but we’re guessing you’re already signing a check and cancelled one of your two-dozen trips to Vegas…

…says the man blogging watching the Olympics on his futon.

(Hilton’s next gig is Repo! The Genetic Opera which, sadly, looks okay)

Stan Lee, we owe you a lot. We love Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four comics (emphasis on COMICS), Hulk, Iron Man, hell, even Ant Man is pretty damn entertaining considering the other non-Lee Marvel heroes are laaaaame (like DC lame - burn!).

However, you might have crossed a line with your most recent project. That is, if we believe Paris Hilton when she says: “Actually, I’ve created a superhero with [Spider-Man co-creator Stan Lee], which is [based on] me, and we’re doing a cartoon right now with MTV.”

You might have lost it, Stan. If you were making a Paris Hilton superhero cartoon for, say, Cartoon Network or Adult Swim, we might be behind it because you might be on to some sort of satire. But, we know Viacom and we know that Viacom gets in bed with “celebs” like Hilton very gingerly (though who doesn’t get in bed with Hilton – Ay oh! 2006 joke!).

There’s no way this is going to be lancing the star like the boil she is: the one that just won’t go away.

Hell, she has McCain pimping her now.

In case you are asking: “Why is Paris Hilton responding?” we’ve provided THIS LINK.

If you know why, simply enjoy.

Looks like the sudden-increase in shutterbugs due to America’s obsession with celebrity culture has finally crossed a line in the eyes of California lawmakers, who plan to meet to discuss new ordinances to keep everyone safe and avoid a mass-exodus of entertainers from the LA area.

AP reports:

Officials from celeb enclaves in and around Los Angeles such as Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, Malibu and Calabasas are convening Thursday for the first time to discuss ways to combat shutterbugs, whose tactics have grown more aggressive and confrontational in the past few years.

Their goal is for each city to adopt its own ordinances to punish aggressive paparazzi, while keeping the rules uniform in the places where celebrities live, work and play.

“This is a response to their lack of responsible behavior,” said Los Angeles City Councilman Dennis Zine, an outspoken paparazzi critic and organizer of the task force.

Zine proposed a “personal safety zone” around celebs earlier this year that police officials said would be virtually unenforceable. He’s also floated the idea of legitimizing the paparazzi - who are freelancers by definition - by giving them credentials, and in turn, clear rules.

This meeting comes after Halle Berry announced she was pursuing criminal charges against photogs who snuck into her backyard to get shots of her with her 4-month-old. Also, the bodyguards protecting Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s twins-from-heaven got in a tussle with some paps dressed in full on camouflage.

A fight broke out between X17 paps and surfers in June that could have lead to arrests, except neither group has submitted unedited footage to police that could result in punishment.

Some pap groups, like JFX Direct are in support of licensing photographers and issuing them guidelines, so if altercations occur and laws are broken, the cops can sort out the “professionals” from the hacks trying to score big on one shot.

The B&U always tries to obtain shots from legit organizations, because the last thing we need is Britney, Lindsay or Miley getting caught in a Princess Diana situation.

You can read more about the summit HERE.