Now, eHarmony has basically labeled me undatable, because I’m in the 20% of the population that can’t have their personality rated and matched via whatever eHarmony’s system is. So, let’s not pretend that this post, though including eHarmony, is about eHarmony. Because until eHarmony stops blacklisting me, I have nothing good to say about eHarmony.

Nor do I usually have good things to say about Lindasy Lohan, who recently broke up with long term lex-partner Samantha Ronson. The Ronson family is rumored to be persuing a restraining order and the gossip circles of the net are cautiously waiting for Lindsay to break down…again…

…but while we wait, Funny Or Die comes through with it’s best type of humor video: one where a celberity realizes thier public persona and embraces it (remember the McLovin’ Fund?). Props to Lohan for getting her face out there. Now, if she’d get another job instead of another girlfriend, we can maybe talk comeback.

Maybe…

Hey, you remember the preview for Labor Pains? It’s a Lindsay Lohan movie where she’s, like, the worst secretary ever and instead of getting fired, she pretends to be pregnant to avoid the axe.

Yeah, there’s a pre-economic downturn story for ya. These days, not knowing how to manage your personal birth control still get you fired.

But, pretending that Lehman Brothers didn’t happen, the film was possibly going to be Lohan’s return to a film star, a reputation she destroyed by going on a high-speed, coke-fueled chase and getting arrested right before her latest movie was released. Also, that movie was I Know Who Killed Me, which did great…at the Razzies.

So what happened to Lindsay’s comeback…?

This month, Glamour Magazine features some female “icons” as recreated in photoshoots by current starlets of the day, and - boy - are some of these things damn weird.

For example, Hayden Panettiere as Amelia Earhart in a year where we will see not one but TWO Earharts on film, one being Amy Adams in Night At The Museum 2 and the other being an eyebrow-less Hilary Swank in the biopic Amelia.

It’s never too early to start making an icon out of Michelle Obama, who was doing great things in Chicago, I’m sure, but considering the celebrity enacting her is Alicia Keys it seems a little weird. Since, you know, I knew who Keys was long before I knew who the Obamas were.

Speaking of should-they or shouldn’t-they be included, who decided that Carrie Bradshaw was suddenly an icon, let alone a positive role model for women? Granted, i haven’t seen the complete Sex In The City, but every time I do get caught in an episode, one of the lead characters ends up complaining about something that seems far beyond trivial when I’m sitting on my futon eating ramen, ’cause that’s all I can afford. Not to mention that 20-year old Emma Stone will never have the Sarah Jessica Parker horse-face.

Also: Lindsay Lohan as Madonna? I know Hayden Panettiere isn’t out flying planes and Alicia Keys isn’t going to put a ring on a politician’s finger, but I thought everyone knew that Britney Spears is/was/will be the New Madonna for all time. Was she unavailable? Was Lohan just so hard up for work that they included her?

More starlets impersonating more icons HERE, including Odette Yustman, America Ferrera, Camilla Belle, Emma Roberts, Elisa Cuthbert and more.

Wayward star Lindsay Lohan will be in Interview Magazine for the February issue and some of her long, mostly delusional answers have been leaked as promos.

This one is especially interesting. Count the misconceptions if you can. Instead of commenting all at once, I’ve inserted five points I will cover below the cut:

On the public’s misconception of her: “I wanted to be a movie star [growing up]. But movie stars are not what they used to be (1*). When I was a kid, I thought movie stars were women and men who were in these great films that we still look at now. But I don’t think there are too many films coming out these days that we’re going to look at in the future and say, ‘This is one of the great ones.’ Like, what is the great film that I will tell my children about? (2*) I’m still going to tell them about the old films, the Hitchcock films. And people my age don’t even know who those people are. (3*) I can’t even have a conversation with most people of my generation about that, because they’d be like, ‘Okay, she’s a freak. Something’s wrong with her.’(4*) And the worst part is, in terms of what people see of me, I have become this girl who just loves to be photographed, doesn’t know how to focus, doesn’t know how to work on set, just loves the attention, knows how to go out at night, knows how to party.(5*)”

Lindsay Lohan took some time out of her busy schedule of nothing yesterday to write a MySpace blog about Facebook (it’s going to be one of those days, guys). Turns out that the Facebook admins shut down her profile because they thought she was a fake Lindsay Lohan. Maybe they thought this because she was down as Lindsay Ronson, not Lindsay Lohan? In that sense, there is no Lindsay Ronson, so Facebook was entirely justified in ditching her profile.

Lindsay goes on to bitch about how MySpace is so much better without taking into account that everything MySpace does well only really looks good if you’re a celebrity or a band.

Make your own username? That feature sucks. Who wants to be online friends with anyone named “&###Ang3Luvr###&?” No one that’s who.

Who wants to have their semi-customizable CSS hidden in a weird field, making the Myspace layout a bitch to work with? People who run businesses designing MySpace profiles, perhaps?

The only thing that MySpace does that Facebook doesn’t do better is bands, and if Lohan wants to promote whatever album via the lesser social-networking tool, more power to her. Just get her to work on something, ANYTHING, because bitching about how you don’t have time to set things right with Facebook seems ridiculous when you don’t have any movies, albums or notable TV appearances coming up. Being a full-time bi-sexual should not be a job.

Read the travesty of Lohan’s Facebook profile below the cut…

Lindsay Lohan hosted a party at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas’ Caesar’s Palace last week. We’re guessing they got her to host because the gig featured girly-friend Samantha Ronson as the DJ.

We’re also guessing that Lindsay Lohan discovered time travel, resulting in this picture of her standing next to one of her future selves.

Last guess: those boots are made out of skinned smurf.

We ran across these Lindsay Lohan photos a little while ago, but had absolutely no motivation to post them. They were hot, but if we kept them to ourselves, we could pretend they were taken especially for us. But, then, we had a change of heart. Couldn’t there be others out there who still find our 80% lesbian guilty pleasure just a little bit of hot-with-freckles-on-top?

So we tried looking for some Lohan news and came up with this:

“I watch a lot of TV. More than I’ve every watched because I don’t go out every night… There’s nothing that I really have to go out anymore for. I’m out with Samantha [Ronson] and she’s DJ’ing and so I am supporting her,” Lohan says.
She adds, “I’ve learned my lesson at an early age and I am very thankful for that.”

Yeah. Right. Learned her lesson.

Believe her or don’t, we could care less. But do enjoy these slutty Lohan pictures, because sometimes you can’t wait for Lindsay Lohan to get interesting on her own.