Writing by Dave on Wednesday, 28 May, 2008 at 9:01 am
Can you say comeback? Jessica Simpson is trying to, really hard.
Back in 2000, when Simpson released “I Wanna Love You Forever,” if we had sat you down and said: “Here’s the future: Jessica’s Christian image gets dragged through the mud during a reality TV show with her first husband. When that marriage ends, she no longer has any shot at a career in pop music, so she starts to slut herself around to a whole bunch of Jackasses while her sister actually takes the top spot in the Simpson family. She pisses off the people of Texas by cursing their quarterback and then flees to the country music scene when it becomes apparent that she can’t act well, and probably never will.”
It’s been a hell of an eight years, but Jessica Simpson is back to music with her new country single “Come On Over…”
Writing by Dave on Tuesday, 13 May, 2008 at 11:27 am
Good thing we didn’t make some sort of snotty comment in our below post about Ashlee and Pete’s wedding. Something like “Tony Romo as a Fallout Boy’s best man will make a picturesque scene.”
Looks like that might not be happening at all. Jessica has said she will be one of the maids of honor for little Ash-face, but we’re hearing that Tony Romo has dumped Jessica Simpson.
Right now, the publicists are keeping quiet and avoiding morning phone calls (they are the worst kind), but we’ll tell you want we’ve heard…inside…
Writing by Dave on Sunday, 20 April, 2008 at 10:59 am
Weekend!
Some stuff is happening right now in the entertainment world, but since it’s Sunday the 20th of April and we’re pretty aware of our core demographic, we’re going to lump all the stories currently holding our attention into one fantastic Sunday post.
Ready? Let’s go!
James Bond wrecked his car over the weekend. Or someone wrecked it for him. While the luckiest PA in the world was driving the Aston Martin to set, something horrible happened that ended with the PA being taken to the hospital with minor injuries and the poor wreck being pulled out of an Italian lake.
Luckily, the Italians are all over this one:
Firstshowing can confirm that Robert Downey Jr. is in The Incredible Hulk as Tony Stark. There had been rumors that the cross-over between Iron Man and Hulk had been left on the cutting room floor, but those were obviously false. This doesn’t surprise us as Iron Man can do no wrong in fanboy’s eyes while Hulk is pretty much going to suck. Anything that the Hulk folks can do to get more butts in the seats is happening right now.
Here’s a good one from Dave’s roommate: Cruisin’ On Broadway.
Katie Holmes is supposed to be working on a new play in New York, and Tom Cruise is trying to revive his career, currently on life support. Says our source: “Tom Cruise has been holding secret readings for a new play written for Katie and himself based on the life of L. Ron Hubbard. Sources say Tom Cruise will star/produce/direct his baby to ensure the integrity of the story.”
Sigourney Weaver has basically declared Ripley dead because Alien Vs. Predator has cheapened the Alien property.She told MTV:
“The last time [Ridley and I] saw each other we talked about it. The character is still interesting [and] I’d love to work with Ridley again,” Weaver said. “But Fox has effectively killed it because of ‘Alien vs. Predator.’ What else can you do with the creature? You can take the situation, you can go back to where they came from. …To play someone who ages a couple hundred years was fascinating. [But] let [Ripley] rest.”
No! Ripley!
As far as the Alien timeline goes, Ripley can bring it all together if we find out what she does when she gets back on Earth. Alien Resurrection ended with Rips and Wynona Ryder entering Earth’s atmosphere. That’s the first time Ripley has been “home” in HUNDREDS of years.
Real Ripley never got home.
How is there not a whole story in that even if there is…wait for it…NO ALIEN FOR MOST OF THE MOVIE. Remember that? Remember when Alien movies were about knowing that the monster was out there somewhere?
That’s what we’re missing, and Ripley is the only Alien character with an interesting plot that could sustain itself for 60 minutes without an Alien showdown.
Here’s our offer: we will write a treatment for RSA (Ridley Scott’s directors) or a representative of Weaver. We will do it! Just pay us for the first draft if you like it, but we are professionals here (you might not be able to tell from our blog style).
If you have any part in the Alien property, help us out!
Writing by Dave on Thursday, 17 April, 2008 at 8:25 am
There is an article in Page Six today about Joe Simpson pimping out Ashlee’s first baby photos for $1 million dollars and various quotes of people laughing in his face.
First of all, we told you there was a leak in Joe’s part of Camp Simpsons, but we’re not going to hold your skepticism over your head, because realistically no one should care if Ashlee Simpson is pregnant.
If there’s one thing we’ve learned after our time as gossip bloggers, it’s that someone is getting paid for everything.
Today’s voice of reason comes from an anonymous “magazine editor” who was quoted in the Page Six write-up:
One magazine editor said the pictures would fetch “$60,000 maybe - but definitely not a million. The timing is a little suspicious. Her album [’Bittersweet World’] is dropping next week, and there was little to no interest until now. Ashlee’s lucky she got pregnant, frankly.”
Zing, mysterious editor! We kind of wish we knew which one you were so we could read your publication. On the downside, you’re in the running to purchase celebrity baby photos, but on the other hand, you seem to have a good grasp of why things really happen.
If you want more details about the Simpson/Wentz wedding or if you want to revisit some of Papa Joe’s shortcomings, make the jump!
“There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood,” he wrote in an email. “This is all news to me. I can’t wait for the story about how I’m really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. … I mean really, this is crazy. … I mean were engaged, that’s true, and happy about it.”
“She said that the rumors have been going around for about a year now and if she was pregnant she shoulda had the baby by now,” a source at the taping tells us.
Only problem is that People tipped their hand ever so slightly, pointing to an information leak in Papa Joe’s camp, not within the Ashlee/Wentz circles.
That info, plus where and when the wedding is for those who “Read More…”
Oh, how the Simpsons have fallen. From a virginal singer to dumbass reality TV star and bane of Dallas, Jessica wasn’t exactly the perfect model of how to run one’s career.
Now, there is going to be a Fallout Baby that has suddenly made itself known before Ashlee can release her new CD on 04/22.
Is touring going to be affected? Will Ashlee stop making music and concentrate on adulthood?
Writing by Dave on Thursday, 10 April, 2008 at 9:20 am
“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I, and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best,” Simpson said in a statement posted on People magazine’s website Wednesday. “Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged.” Simpson’s father, Joe Simpson, told People he’s “totally happy” and “so excited to have Pete as part of (our) family.”
Ashlee is hot in a reverse-bag sort of way. A “bag” would be a woman you find attractive, but you would put a bag over her head before copulating with her. Ashlee stands for most things we hate, but we’d meet her in the tangles of her silk sheets if she promised not to talk.
Oh yeah, and there is nothing good about Pete Wentz whatsoever.
