You don’t need to believe it to feel kinda gross, like you need to take a shower. Britney Spears and K-Fed have apparently been having phone sex.
A pointless news item? Maybe. But semi-sweet while being totally disgusting.
Technically, he is still her ex-husband. In reality, he’s her ex-husband that has been winning custody hearing after custody hearing. Shouldn’t you be allowed to have phone sex with the guy who is raising your kids?
But it’s still Britney and K-Fed.
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We have to say that we’re guilty as everyone else: We didn’t watch How I Met Your Mother until Britney Spears made her cameo.
We can’t really explain why, since Neil Patrick Harris, Allison Hannigan, Jason Segel and Bob Saget are all on it, and we love those guys.
In the back of our mind, we just feel like 3-camera sitcoms with laugh tracks are dead, and should be used sparingly. The “used sparingly” part is what makes us think we should at least watch HIMYM (Him-Yim, guys). Though it would be kicking House of Payne off our TV watching schedules.
Want to see a clip of Britney’s return? Click “Read More…” and watch that sh*t before someone pulls it off of YouTube for (no joke) the thirds time today!
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That’s right, the third fetus Spears is a girl and is due on June 29th, according to Life and Style.
This story has grown beyond our ability to mock it, so we’ll just sum it all up for you: Britney Spears’ 17-year-old sister got knocked up at 16 by her boyfriend Casey right as Britney was going through her roughest rough-patch. It’s ripples have included: Jamie-Lynn’s TV show seeing awesome ratings for it’s final season and Lynne Spears (the best mother in the world, obviously) pulling her planned book on how to be a good mother amidst one child being committed and the other getting knocked up at 16.
Seriously, there are so many jokes, but they’ve all been made. Just look at the whole thing, it’s absurd.
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Production began yesterday on a second Britney Spears guest-starring episode of How I Met Your Mother.
The singer/star/sacrificial lamb gave the sitcom its single highest rated episode ever when she appeared as a flustered secretary who fell in love with main character Ted.
The new episode is being described in press releases: When Barney and Abby realize that they have one thing in common - their mutual hatred of Ted - the “couple” decides to go to the bar to flaunt their new relationship in Ted’s face. Desperate to get a rise out of his former pal, Barney pops a surprising question to Abby.
Whatever, we only watch Britney episodes, and we don’t think we’re alone in that.
Catch Britney on TV this May 12th at 8:30PM on CBS.
Now, give us our promo money.
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Weekend!
Some stuff is happening right now in the entertainment world, but since it’s Sunday the 20th of April and we’re pretty aware of our core demographic, we’re going to lump all the stories currently holding our attention into one fantastic Sunday post.
Ready? Let’s go!
James Bond wrecked his car over the weekend. Or someone wrecked it for him. While the luckiest PA in the world was driving the Aston Martin to set, something horrible happened that ended with the PA being taken to the hospital with minor injuries and the poor wreck being pulled out of an Italian lake.
Luckily, the Italians are all over this one:
Like this new picture from Empire magazine!
Here’s a good one from Dave’s roommate: Cruisin’ On Broadway.
Katie Holmes is supposed to be working on a new play in New York, and Tom Cruise is trying to revive his career, currently on life support. Says our source: “Tom Cruise has been holding secret readings for a new play written for Katie and himself based on the life of L. Ron Hubbard. Sources say Tom Cruise will star/produce/direct his baby to ensure the integrity of the story.”
Roommate says this should be a trilogy. We agree.
The Sarah Conner Chronicles was picked up for a second season. The cast and crew were informed by the show’s producers that they had been picked up last night in Hollywood.
We’re also creaming ourselves over the trailer for The Spirit, which should quench our thirst for Frank Miller until Sin City 2 comes out:
“The last time [Ridley and I] saw each other we talked about it. The character is still interesting [and] I’d love to work with Ridley again,” Weaver said. “But Fox has effectively killed it because of ‘Alien vs. Predator.’ What else can you do with the creature? You can take the situation, you can go back to where they came from. …To play someone who ages a couple hundred years was fascinating. [But] let [Ripley] rest.”
No! Ripley!
As far as the Alien timeline goes, Ripley can bring it all together if we find out what she does when she gets back on Earth. Alien Resurrection ended with Rips and Wynona Ryder entering Earth’s atmosphere. That’s the first time Ripley has been “home” in HUNDREDS of years.
Real Ripley never got home.
How is there not a whole story in that even if there is…wait for it…NO ALIEN FOR MOST OF THE MOVIE. Remember that? Remember when Alien movies were about knowing that the monster was out there somewhere?
That’s what we’re missing, and Ripley is the only Alien character with an interesting plot that could sustain itself for 60 minutes without an Alien showdown.
Here’s our offer: we will write a treatment for RSA (Ridley Scott’s directors) or a representative of Weaver. We will do it! Just pay us for the first draft if you like it, but we are professionals here (you might not be able to tell from our blog style).
If you have any part in the Alien property, help us out!
Producer Joel Silver, who you know only because the Wachowski Brothers use him as an avatar instead of doing their own press, has confirmed that The Justice League movie has been “tabled.”
That means the plot we knew of, the cast we thought was attached and how sucky we thought it was going to be is now a tabula rasa.
We think this is good news, because the project isn’t “dead,” it’s “tabled.”
Britney Spears might be coming back to do another episode of How I Met Your Mother, which must really piss off the cast who has watched their charming little under-the-radar show become “that Britney Spears cameo sitcom.”
Also on the celebrities we love to hate, Jessica Simpson’s kidney infection of last week might have just been her getting drunk enough to be admitted into a hospital. “Sources” claim she even asked for a pregnancy test.
Who wants a pregnancy test when they are drunk enough to be hospitalized?
Idiots like Jessica Simpson, that’s who.
Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em!
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Sweet Jesus McGillicutty, please let this be true. This might be the only thing that ushers Britney Spears back into the spotlight, short of a world tour (which she is still not in the condition to do).
The new word is that Britney was filming herself for the past six months, and now that the ordel is over, she wants to release it on the ‘net, or maybe get a reality TV special like the atrociously horrible Chaotic series her and Kevin Federline had before the divorce.
The details and who is scared Britney will go public with this footage after the cut, yo!
We’re sorry we wrote “yo…”
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Britney Spears was so moved by the stories on Fox’s Idol gives back that she has personally donated $25,000:
“She did it all on her own. She watched the show and cried for like two hours over the children in Africa with malaria,” a Spears family insider tells Life & Style. “She didn’t know much about the disease, so she Googled it. She was horrified to realize kids were dying from mosquito bites. So she went online and donated after getting [her dad] Jamie’s permission. She used her Amex.”
Way to make positive news, Brit! See how we aren’t calling for your head?
Though, if you want to bring us the head of Miley Cyrus, we’d be up for that.
Daddy Spears let Britney come out and play yesterday, and the Pop Wreck proved that she can still bring out the media. The cops were eventually called in, along with a very unfortunate and useless umbrella, to handle the paps as Britney exited the Tracey Ross boutique.
As always, there is accompanying Hollywood.TV video, which is entertaining because they don’t treat their audio, allowing us to laugh as underpaid videographers talk about how “crazy” the Britney circuit really is.
Do you see this Miley Cyrus? This is your future unless the Spears clan decides to let their eldest out of her bonds. If Britney is set loose on Hanna Montana’s ass, we’d watch.
They could just approach each other and make their individual paparazzi swarms fight like the Jets and the Sharks.
Crazy!
Cool!
IMG: SplashNews
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From The NY Post:
Britney Spears is back in the studio working on another album - but if her conservator/dad, Jamie, has his way, she’ll stop the music and concentrate on her TV career. A Spears insider said, “Britney did a great job on ‘How I Met Your Mother.’ She got the show its highest ratings yet, but more importantly for Jamie, he wants his daughter at a normal 9-to-5 job to keep her working and out of trouble. A sitcom would do that. So he’s exploring several offers for Britney to have her own show.” Spears has also been offered a guest-starring stint on “30 Rock.”
Dear Tina Fey,
Your show is pretty damn good the way it is, it doesn’t need to get celebrity flavors of the month (year/decade) to prove that it belongs on TV. Ben Silverman already likes your show, only offer Britney a part if you have something new for her to do, NOT for the ratings.
However, if Britney plays herself and dates Tracey Morgan, we’ll totally take back everything we just said.
-The B&U-
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After using her strangely sane acting to bring all-time high ratings to CBS’ How I Met Your Mother, Britney Spears is suddenly a hot television property once again.
There is a slight buzzing rumor, probably started by Nickelodeon itself that the kids network is trying to rope Britney into appearing on their annual Kid’s Choice Awards ceremony being held this Saturday.
The Nick family stick by the Spears family, even when one of their stars gets ripped off her profitable TV show because she got knocked up.
Call us crazy, but we think this is pretty much a sure thing. The stars have aligned a-like so:
- Britney brings ratings, Nick wants ratings, awards shows need ratings.
- Nick is owned by Viacom, the company that owns MTV and the company Britney needs to legitimately take a shot at a real comeback.
- Jamie Lynn’s big sister showing up and supporting her family and her sis’ network would score major kudos points in the eyes of fans still on the fence about Zoey 101 being a Hoey 101.
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Amidst rumors that she was actually in the recording studio this weekend (!?!?!), Britney Spears looks somewhat poised to eventually make another run at a comeback.
The nation looks like it has seamlessly transitioned from calling for her blood to pity and eventually to rooting for the batshit crazy underdog who needs her dad to run her life for her.
Essentially, she’s everything we’ve always feared we were. But we digress.
Last night’s How I Met Your Mother featuring a Spears cameo scored major ratings for The Eye:
A guest appearance by Britney Spears on Monday gave the CBS sitcom “How I Met Your Mother” its highest rating ever.
“Mother” spiked to a series high 4.5 preliminary rating among adults 18-49, even as the rest of the CBS comedy lineup fell from last week’s record-setting return to original episodes.
Critics were relatively impressed. “Britney the Trainwreck showed how she can still be Britney the Performer,” wrote the Associated Press. “Spears proved she can act every bit as well as she can sing,” wrote the New York Daily News.
The second week of strong “Mother” ratings (10.6 million, 4.5/12) assures the one-time bubble comedy will be renewed for the fall. “Mother” was the fourth-highest-rated show of the evening, and CBS won the night (averaging 12.5 million, 4.4/11).
That’s right, television finally returned after the strike and everyone wanted to see Britney.
Now can we talk about how Blackout actually wasn’t that bad?
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OMG, guys! Did you see Britney on How I Met Your Mother last night?
Ok, ending the feigned sarcasm, she wasn’t that bad. It is a three camera sitcom, so you can’t expect too much from it in the plot and joke department, but it did manage to distract us from Britney with it’s plot about some guy falling in love what we can only assume is his child’s future mother.
Britney read her lines okay, and came off pretty attractive all things considered.
You best bet we have clips for you…if you Read More.
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Like hungry jackals who have been without gossip food for weeks, the paprazzi on the 24/7 Britney Spears watch have started devouring their own in the newest and most bizarre twist in this low sphere of life.
As celebrity gossip has surged through the net in the past two years (spawning many sites, but few worthwhile ones like the one you are reading now), the photo agencies have become more fierce when it comes to Brintey coverage.
And this isn’t “fierce” like on Bravo.
Several photo agencies, most notably X17, we rumored to be hiring gang members and at least one confirmed sex offender to muscle lesser paparazzo out of the Britney heard.
This week, it seems Britney’s father’s strict rule over his daughters life has finally turned the gang element against the real photogs.
Reports MTV:
Three witnesses called 911, and Silva was taken by ambulance to the emergency room with a police escort, according to the police report. One of the witnesses told police officers that he heard one of the attackers say, “Let’s go f— him up, there are 10 of us here,” saw one of the attackers go get a metal tube from his car for that purpose, and heard another attacker say, “Don’t kill him! Don’t kill him!”, according to the report…
“They kicked and punched me almost to death,” Silva said. “I was beat up for doing my job. Most people think, ‘Oh, he’s just a paparazzo, he’s nothing.’ But this is not nothing. This is a big business, and if it weren’t for people like me, those pictures wouldn’t be in the magazines you enjoy.”
Silva asks for unspecified general and punitive damages in his suit, in which he accuses X17 of battery; assault; false imprisonment; intentional infliction of emotional distress; negligent infliction of emotional distress; negligence; and negligent training, supervision and retention of unfit employees.
Oh man, if this guy had died, say goodbye to celebrity photojournalism for a few months.
You’ll be happy to know we avoid using X17 photographs because of the above reports, their lecherous lawyers and they’ve been mean to Dave on several occasions.
The B&U does not support gang photography.
Could we get a t-shirt that says that?
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Britney Spears is still in hot water over the hit and run captured on tape by the omnipresent Britney paparazzi swarm.
Brit’s camp settled with the car owner and got her to drop charges, but the case of Britney’s invalid California driver’s license still rages on, and LA County attorneys want to wait until Britney is out from under her father’s conservatorship before pressing full charges.
Reports Access Hollywood:
Charlie Unger (Spears’ attorney), hopes to work things out with city attorneys and wants the misdemeanor charge reduced to an infraction, which is a fine.
“We’re still hoping we can work this all out,” Unger told Access Hollywood outside the courtroom.
As for the city attorney’s office, they are still pushing for a misdemeanor.
“While she’s under a conservatorship, we’re in a holding pattern,” city attorney Michael Amerian told Access. “Nothing that’s happened in this case is affected by her celebrity status.”
“She seems to be getting her life together,” said Unger. “She has a crime free life and that’s how we want to keep it.”
At least when your personal life goes to hell, your legal team gets more on the ball. Imagine the fees!
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