Yesterday saw the premiere of The Curious Life Of Benjamin Button at at the Mann Village Westwood Theatre in Westwood, California.

As you can probably guess, Hollywood’s first couple of (charity? infidelity? hotness? bad moustaches?) was in attendence, signing autographs in a position that made us pause and wonder: Did Brad Pitt just hump Angelina Jolie on the red carpet?

There was all sort os silliness abound with Angie, who was either looking like a crazed jackel, a stoned feline or jumping out from behind a huge poster of her husband’s face to surprise Marianne Jean-Baptiste.

It must be nice to be a rich, movie-star humanitarian, going crazy on the red carpet for movies that you aren’t in or growing ill-advised facial hair.

As we continue our watch on Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag’s sham marriage, we move on to their incredibly staged, yet curiously alluring “honeymoon” photos. The cheap-ass ring makes an appearance, proving that they just forgot to put them on when they exited the airport in Los Angeles.

You can imagine our groans when we realized that the Heidi/Spencer self-run media team decided to issue 90 damn photos of the couple’s honeymoon. We decided to pare them down to Heidi Montag bikini shots. If certain men get turned on by treating women as objects, then these must a frickin’ wet dream. Because we have ZERO respect for this woman and - if judged by media whoring alone - she doesn’t have any respect for her either.

Spencer Pratt may be the biggest douche in the world (watch your back David Blaine!), but he chose some nice arm candy to stroll into hell with.

Above: Elisha Cuthbert (of 24, House of Wax, The Girl Next Door) and Sean Avery of the Dallas Stars hockey Team. They used to be dating, then they broke up, then Elisha found herself another tough’n’strong hockey player, Calgary Flames defense man Dion Phaneu.

Why should we care? Take a look at this dig Avery took at Phaneu and his ex on national television:

For those without time to load videos, Avery said:“I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.”

Ouch! Sloppy seconds!

That line caused the National Hockey League to suspend Avery for “inappropriate public comments.” Sean now has to fly to meet the NHL commissioner for a mea culpa and a discussion of possible further punishment. And what about the guys bros? No help there, says Tom Hicks, owner of the Stars: “I completely support the league’s decision to suspend Sean Avery. Had the league not have suspended him, the Dallas Stars would have. This organization will not tolerate such behavior, especially from a member of our hockey team. We hold our team to a higher standard and will continue to do so.”

Here’s what our response would have been: How is it that hockey players fall in love with your sloppy seconds? After reviewing the evidence:

EVERYONE falls in love with your sloppy seconds.

Dear Sean Avery: the world does not revolve around Sean Avery.

If we haven’t said it before (ED: we have), Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills make us want to puke up our breakfast whenever their faces grace our daily news-hunt. These two are slimey, useless fame-whores who concoct photoshoots using everything from a polo match to pumpkin hunting. Did you catch their ultra-conservative guns’n'beer “candids?” We did.

The worst part is that we’re all playing into their hands. Pratt played Wormtongue to Brody Jenner’s Theodin back in the day and it was all well-chronicled by David Amsden of Details Magazine:

Here’s how Pratt, also 23, and the son of a “celebrity dentist,” explains it: “What does it take to be famous nowadays? Nothing! Look at Nicole [Richie]. She’s on the cover of every magazine every week. And why? Because she doesn’t eat. Well, lots of girls in this country don’t eat. That’s, like, my whole philosophy with Brody—make him part of that. Like at first, when he started showing up in Us Weekly, people were all, ‘Who the hell is that?’ Now they’re starting to be like, ‘Hey, do you know who that is?’”

Read between the lines: none of this is real, not even for Spencer Pratt. When he was teamed up with Heidi Montag and made “the villain” of MTV’s The Hills, he found his partner in crime, someone so blonde, so dumb and so fame hungry that she was willing to do anything to cut her piece of the fame pie.

Apparently, this included eloping with Spencer…

You guys remember Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. She’s the younger sister of Jessica Simpson who somehow managed to eclipse her older sister by only appearing half-retarded on her reality series “Autobiography” while Jessica went the full-retard on her wedding reality show.

God, reminiscing is putting us to sleep.

He’s in Fallout Boy and managed to knock up the younger Simpson, who stayed pregnant for what felt like forever.

But, she is bloated with child no longer…

In a world of liberal media pushing Barack Obama (or just for you to vote), it’s about time that someone in the entertainment industry (not Fred Thompson) came out an supported McCain and Palin. We just wish it wasn’t one of our most-hated celeb couples of our lifetime, and we wish they had been a bit more subtle about it.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt decided to hold their “impromptu” photoshoot being as pro-McCain and in love as they could possibly be. Heidi is wearing a “Read My Lipstick: Vote McCain-Palin” shirt, and Spencer’s reads “Palin For VP: God, Guns, Glory.” Just in case you didn’t get the message, Spencer brought along a gun, a six pack of Bud and a book titled “You Can Profit From A Monetary Crisis.”

Seriously, we puked in our mouth.

Want to see more photos? Check out DListed HERE.

The sad thing about old rumors is how true they wind up being. Case in point, a few months ago, Radar did some more “Serious Internet-Only Reporting,” as all the cool kids do, into a tipster’s email that Téa Leoni was spotted at Highline Ballroom loading stuff and then getting into Billy-Bob Thornton’s band’s van! Sans hubby David Duchovny

(Say that three time’s fast. We’ll wait.)

At the time, it seemed like overt Internet speculation. But then Duchovny went into rehab for sex addiction, came out last week and the happy couple announced they were separated for months! The Daily Mail even digs in:

It was not his ’sexual compulsion proclivity’ that caused the break-down of their marriage, but rather his discovery of explicit text messages on her mobile phone sent by actor Billy Bob Thornton.
Through the texts Duchovny found out she had begun a relationship with Oscar-winning actor Billy Bob Thornton, 53, who was formerly married to Angelina Jolie.

…

Five-times married Billy Bob met Téa when they made a comedy film together earlier this year called Manure.

Thornton, a musician with his own band, has been seen with Téa at his gigs.

‘She even helps him load and unload his truck,’ says a friend of the couple.

We’d love to be on Team David here, but we also saw Eagle-Eye. Billy-Bob’s kind of bad-ass, even if he is a scumball.
[via Defamer]