If there is one way to clearly spin domestic abuse against your girlfriend, it’s by taking an Anger Management class purely for public reasons.

Daily News’ Gatecrasher got hold of a “snitch” close to Chris Brown’s camp about the encouragement to attend a class before his trail date next Thursday:

“Chris doesn’t actually have to go by law,” our insider tells us, “but he believes it will make him look better to the public, and he wants to try to get in a few classes before March 5,” his court date.

The best part has to be when the Camp Brown insiders “rumble” that he shouldn’t have to go to any anger workshop–after all, he seemed pretty adept at taking it out on women. But nay, it is actually just as much Rihanna’s own fault! Of course! How dare her face get in the way of Chris Brown’s pacifist fists.

“Rihanna is temperamental, too,” says our snitch. “They’re both too hot-headed for their own good.” Adds another source: “It didn’t help that Rihanna grabbed the keys out of his rented Lamborghini and threw them down the street. She knew it would really infuriate Chris, and it worked.”

Cause really, you should’ve seen the hits Rihanna got in! Wow! I mean, she really socked him good because of some trivial thing. Oh wait.

(via FHM/Gawker, obviously.)

And lo, as Gawker/Defamer Lite notes–there is yet another notch in “Awkward Ex’s Name Tattoos” today and it is Transformers/Jennifer’s Body geek queen Megan Fox who called it quits with Brian Austin Green, he of 90210 and currently Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles fame.

According to Us Magazine:

“The relationship had run its course,” an insider tells Us exclusively. “It’s completely amicable, and they are remaining friends.”

…

She said she and Green — who has a 6-year-old son, Kassius, from a previous relationship — haven’t talked about wanting more kids.

“I feel like I need to set my career and do a movie other than Transformers,” she said. “Then I’ll explore family.”

Meanwhile, over at “her” Twitter:

Ouch. Now who will washed-up TV stars and hot young girls whose only credits include Michael Bay robot movies look up to? Who, I ask you! WHO!?

Gentleman (and lesbians) of the internet, Zooey Deschanel (or “the rich man’s Katy Perry” as we sometimes refer to her) looks to be off the market:

Yes Man actress Zooey Deschanel, 28, and musician Hunter Burgan are engaged! According to a source, Zooey said yes over the weekend of December 20. The couple has been together for nearly a year and a friend of the stars confides, “she is so excited.”

The source is actually InTouch, and here’s the funny part: Zooey actually got engaged to Ben Gibbard (or Death Cab For Cutie and The Postal Service) not Burgan (of AFI). Eventually the source was changed, but who in their right mind writes the wrong name in an engagement announcement only to highlight that “the couple has been together for nearly a year?”

So, to prove that we’re better than InTouch Weekly, here’s a bunch of photos of what you could have tapped if you were a successful indie musician (or - alternatively - a member of the band AFI). They may just be pictures, but at least Dave feels like he’s bested the InTouch editorial staff.

The first question that comes to mind is: Is J.Lo really crazy enough to think this is a good idea?

The year’s Hugh Hefner Christmas card features his new girlfriends , the 19-year-old twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon. 82-year old Hef ditched his “girls next door” - Kendra, Holly and Bridget - and now spends his time with perky teenagers.

Livin’ the dream, via - of all places - the Huffington Post.

We’re living in a post-Bronx Mowgli world here, people. A world where Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have somehow produced a child they decided to name after a burrough in New York City and a disenfranchised Jungle Boy raised by a bear and a panther

“Which one’s the bear?” questions non-withstanding, E! managed to tease us with an upcoming episode of The Dog Whisperer featuring fame-whoring Simpson/Wentz and their bulldogs Hemmingway and Rigby.

Laugh out loud Pete Wentz quotes: “I’m one of those weird people who doesn’t like talking to other people, but I really like talking to the dog,” he says to a camera crew he let into his house. Is that just talking at people?

Also: “I don’t ever want there to be a situation between Hemmingway and the baby, and obviously I’m going to pick my child over my dog, but you know, like, I love that dog more than almost anything.”

Almost anything? We know the baby comes in over the dog, but what about his wife, his other dog, his band, his clothing line, Papa Joe Simpson? Just what is the thing that he loves a little bit less than the dog?

My guess is: guyliner and/or disguises.

Well, these pictures popped up on OceanUp.com (we’re guessing you could have figured that out without us telling you), and they are - very plainly - High School Musical stars Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens visiting a sex shop together.

Efron is 21 and Vanessa Hudgens turns 20 this Tuesday the 14th, so what do you think the chances are that someone is buying a certain other someone a sexy birthday present?

If that assumption is made, then there are two additional thoughts that pass through our heads. 1) is this one of those joke gifts, like the penis pasta we keep getting in the mail? 2) is this one of those gifts meant to spice up the relationship?

We know that the answer to #1 is that our mystery Santa is making fun of our impotence and the answer to #2 is those gifts never work, they just end with awkward tears.

Either way, if these photos popped up before Vanessa got all naked for the internets, THESE would be the new story.

But, now that we know what she looks like naked, and we could care less about Zac Efron (at least until he transitions into “real” acting), the news that these two are probably banging each other’s Mouse House brains out is somehow less titillating.