This is the official statement from Liv’s publicist:

“Liv Tyler and Royston Langdon have confirmed their separation. They remain good friends and devoted parents to their son Milo and are requesting that their family’s privacy be respected at this time.”

30-year old Liv married 36-year old Royston in 2003 and had their only child, Milo in December 2004.

Bonus points if you can name what band Royston is famous for being in. The answer, in music video form, after the cut!

For those of you that were still hoping that Mariah’s quickie marriage to (of all people) Drumline star Nick Cannon might have been the latest April Fool’s Day Joke ever, consider your hopes dashed by People magazine.

This week, People will publish the wedding photos, forever locking the marriage into what will soon be known as “Mariah’s honeymoon period,” before the media starts ripping a their marriage with the claws of 1,000 bloggers.

When we got the very sudden, wholly unexpected news that Mariah Carey had married Nick Cannon, a forgettable singer/rapper/star-of-Drumline that was 9 years her junior, we assumed that if the marriage was so sudden, Nick had conned his way to millions in almost-sure-to-be divorce money.

Thank Mariah’s Millions we were wrong.

According to Mariah, we must have been smoking something.

Another day, another dream lost for the staff members of The B&U.

We didn’t even get to see Scarlett perform her Tom Waits covers live, while staring from the back of the room/field/festival and imagining what it would be like to be standing in the wings, waiting for her to finish crooning, so we could congratulate her on a good show.

And why was the Falling Down video so depressing and focused of Sarlett being mostly alone when the truth is she’s going to get married.

The announcement below the cut.

Gary Coleman’s landmark appearance on Divorce Court finally addressed his sex life on today’s part 2 of 2. Judge Toler got down to the bottom of the issue by asking if Gary was okay and if they have actually consummated their marriage.

To which Coleman responded: “I…yeah…well…yeah….it’s a little bit complicated.”

What choo talkin’ about Willis?

Oh, this is sad. So sad we can’t think of a joke to make is less sad.

We used our “Jay-Z just added his 100th problem after years of courtship” joke until it started to wear a little bit about the edges, then we thought the book was closed on this hip-hop royalty wedding.

Sadly, the book is never closed on an unexpected wedding. At least not until 9 months after the nuptials.

Thank you Hollyscoop for throwing your hat into the ring and suggesting the rumor that always comes about with sudden weddings.

Hollyscoop has learned exclusively through multiple sources that Beyonce is expecting. A source close to the couple revealed, “Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.” The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting.

Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon. The couple is pretty private about their personal lives–they still haven’t even confirmed their wedding. But the source confirmed that she is expecting and they rushed the wedding due to Beyonce’s strong Christian beliefs.

We love that according to strict “Christian beliefs,” it’s forgivable to screw like rabbits out of wedlock, but completely unacceptable to have a child out of wedlock. It kind of seems like you don’t have to repent until you get caught, and if that applies, we have absolutely nothing to repent for, Jesus.

This rumor also exists with Mariah Carey because of her rushed ceremony, but we’ll wait until someone slaps “Exclusive” on the front of a “Mariah Pregnant” headline.

Maybe we could do that. We can hear the ad-clicking dollars now…

The celebrity dating/copulating continues with Jason Biggs getting hitched, yet still being unable to escape American Pie.

Basically every article with this news refers to Jason as “American Pie’s Jason Biggs” or “Jason Biggs (American Pie).”

How is it that Cameron Diaz put sperm in her hair then preceded to get away with it, but a man fucks a pie and does two sequels and all of a sudden “that pie-fucking guy got married?”

We call reverse sex-themed sexism!

American Pie star Jason Biggs married actress Jenny Mollen in a “very private ceremony,” his rep, Nicole Chabot, tells PEOPLE.

The ceremony was last week. No other details were revealed.

Biggs, 29, and Mollen, 28, met on the 2007 set of My Best Friend’s Girl and were engaged in January.

This is by far the weirdest article associated with the frantic scramble to confirm that Mariah Carey got married this weekend to Nick Cannon at her home in the Bahamas.

Thank you Us Weekly, for expanding the guidelines of online journalism:

Usmagazine.com has learned Carey’s nephew was in the Bahamas this week.
The following are Shawn McDonald’s status updates to his Facebook profile.
4/27 – Shawn is going to the bahamas for a week early tuesday AM.
4/28 – Shawn is in the Bahamas (enjoying the calm before the storm…) from Tuesday AM till Sat early evening…
4/30 – Shawn has a profound appreciation of southern hospitality.
Shawn is a witness.
Shawn can officially say that what you may or may not have read or heard is not true…
5/1 – Shawn did something tonight he probably won’t do for @least another 25+ years…

Sadly, our attempted friending of Lindsay Ronson (nee Lohan) resulted in one of what can only be hundreds of failed friend connections.

We did poke her, but that means that our status updates won’t simply refresh on our hompage.

Let’s just say that if any other print magazines need a Facebook flunkie to play Scrabble while waiting for third-degree celebrity connections to update their status, we feel like we could do that job simultaneously.

Contact us!

Considering we just found out about this late yesterday, wrote about it today and wasn’t sure if the story was true at all, we think that Latina might be jumping the gun on this one.

All anyone is saying is “yesterday,” “impulsive” and “on an island.”

More if this is true. If you never hear this report again, assume false.

UPDATE: The New York Post has hopped on the “they are already married” train as well, adding a kicker of a caboose: no pre-nup. Score, Cannon, score!

27 to 38 isn’t that big of a gap, but…NICK CANNON?

From Access Hollywood:

A source close to Mariah has confirmed to Access Hollywood that the music diva is engaged to Nick Cannon.

Reps for both singers were unavailable for comment.

The couple sent the rumor mill into overdrive when 38-year-old Mariah (with Nick on her arm) was seen sporting a dazzling new piece of bling on her ring finger at the after party for her Tribeca film, “Tennessee,” in New York.

When asked at the party what he loved about Mariah, 27-year-old Nick gave a one-word answer.
“Everything,” he told People.

Though Mariah has been through the marriage thing before, Nick hasn’t. He has been engaged once, to Victora’s Secret model Selita Ebanks, last year. That was called off before the “I do.”

This just seems out of left field, but whatever. Mariah in Drumline 2! Let’s start a petition!

There was a Colin Farrell sex tape a little while back (2006, we’re pretty sure). It was so NOT FAKE that a series of legal injunctions saw it yanked from…well, everywhere.

Until it re-surfaced a few days ago on YouPorn.

Don’t ask how we know, just know we’re connected in celebrity sex tapes.

The link to the full nastiness is under the cut…

If the first Newlyweds with Jessica Simpson and that guy no one cares about anymore taught us anything it was that the Simpson family is controlled by a fame-hungry patriarch that uses his daughters as puppets regardless of the reality TV fact that couples cannot withstand the scrutiny of having to manufacture a sitcom structure in their everyday lives (this week Jessica visits a zoo!).

Did you guys see that was one long sentence? Boo-yah!

Cashing in once again on the formula that his daughters saying stupid things equals money is Papa Joe Simpson, who is rumored to be “in talks” with MTV to revive Newlyweds, this time with Ashlee and Pete Wentz.

We an see the pitch now: “It’s like Newlyweds, but these two are actually still making relevant music!” The joke not being that even her own father recognized Jessica’s fall from musical grace followed her rise to reality TV stardom, but rather that MTV probably sees Ashlee Simpson’s new album and the continuing tour of Fallout Boy to be especially relevant.

Point being, even if OK! Magazine is making this rumor up, the chances of someone reading it and thinking it’s a good idea will probably lead to talks between MTV and the Simpson camp.

It’s the same school of thought that something isn’t real until you recognize it.

And, yes, we’re shying away from the fact that the Simp/Wentz union has been doomed to end by the bride’s father. If he doesn’t have to treat them like real people, why should we?

That’s right, the third fetus Spears is a girl and is due on June 29th, according to Life and Style.

This story has grown beyond our ability to mock it, so we’ll just sum it all up for you: Britney Spears’ 17-year-old sister got knocked up at 16 by her boyfriend Casey right as Britney was going through her roughest rough-patch. It’s ripples have included: Jamie-Lynn’s TV show seeing awesome ratings for it’s final season and Lynne Spears (the best mother in the world, obviously) pulling her planned book on how to be a good mother amidst one child being committed and the other getting knocked up at 16.

Seriously, there are so many jokes, but they’ve all been made. Just look at the whole thing, it’s absurd.

As bizarre as it sounds, the rumored “Jimi Hendrix Sex Tape” is going to be released by Vivid Entertainment, a large name in Adult DVDs.

According to the New York Times:

The film shows a naked man who resembles Hendrix, the guitar legend who died in 1970, wearing a bandanna in his Afro, having sex with two brunettes in a dimly lighted bedroom. His full face appears on screen for only a few seconds, with his eyes closed. In other portions there are flashes of his profile. But his hands, bedecked with rings, roam large on the screen at times. The film has no audio.

Of course, the true identity of the man in the video is disputed by experts.

The video came to Vivid through Howie Klien, a collector who came across a film canister labeled: “Black Man” in a box of rock memorabilia (these are the facts folks, don’t ask us where this magical box of rock memorabilia is). After viewing the film, he passed it onto Vivid who had a larger distribution plan. Vivid is ready to stand behind their 45-minute DVD which includes the sex scene cobbled together with a Hendrix-retrospective (that doesn’t include any actual Hendrix music).

Hendrix Historians (who either really exist, or have deem themselves historians for the purpose of getting ink), have said that the facial bone structure is similar, but none of the rings the “Black Man” is wearing in the video match any rings from whatever time period they have access to.

Vivid, on the other hand, is much more credible in the pornography world for selling exclusive product. Steven Hirsch founded Vivid and released his first video in 1984. It was called “Ginger” and starred Ginger Lynn. Lynn was signed to an exclusive contract with Vivid. The motivation behind this was completely market driven. If you, as a pornography fan, really liked Ginger, then you’d have to succumb to Vivid Entertainment. Hirsch based his idea loosely around the old studio system, when studios would have contracts with certain bankable stars. This way you came back for the stars and the style, Hirsch wants you to trust Vivid like your parents (or grandparents) trusted Warner Brothers or Universal. This is a double-edged sword, because porn is a fickle business and what is in one day is out the other. Finally, this cliché fits all to well: Different strokes for different folks.

“Dave, you know so much about porn!,” you must be saying.

Yes. We tend to know a lot about any industry where two or more people try to fuck each other. Porn is literal, the entertainment industry is metaphorical.