Writing by Dave on Friday, 2 May, 2008 at 10:22 am
Ok, Ok. We said just a few days ago that we were going to stop covering this because Uwe Boll is horrible filmmaker who is just trying to promote his movie Postal by boxing celebrities. Not only that, but Michael Bay is knee-deep in Transformers 2 pre-production and has all but banned mention of Uwe Boll from his official message boards.
Thing is, Boll says that the boxing match is on for this fall.
Seriously:
We’re going to have to have to stop-loss our ban on the Boll V. Bay internet fued because one of two things are about to happen:
1) MOST LIKELY: Michael Bay will catch wind of this, realize that he is being used to promote Postal (who is going to see Postal 10-fucking-times?) and will attempt to sue Boll for, at least, libel.
2) LESS LIKELY, MORE ENTERTAINING: Boll isn’t blowing smoke up our asses and Michael Bay will confirm that he is going to meet Uwe Boll in the boxing ring this fall.
We received an e-mail with this video in it, telling us that there was no way that “the MSM” would pick it up.
MSM is the internet newspeak acronym for Mainstream Media, and despite the fact that this is on top of some social networking sites such as Digg, we feel that the e-mailer might be right.
After the jump we have (we’re not kidding) a Clinton advisor calling the people of Indiana “Worthless White Ni**ers.”
We know this has nothing to do with entertainment news or celebrity gossip, but we’ll stop looking for Brief Absurdity headlines for today in lieu of posting this.
Laura Boyce, who worked for the couple for seven months in 2007, claims Sheryl Lowe created an “extremely sexually offensive and hostile work environment … behaving in a … perverted, disgusting and crude manner.”
Boyce also alleges that Sheryl used the “n” word in reference to Boyce’s boyfriend, who was an NBA player.
Sheryl also allegedly “walked around naked, completely exposing herself” to Boyce, asked about her boyfriend’s private parts and talked about Sheryl’s sex life with Rob.
Boyce also claims wrongful termination against both Rob and Sheryl, in addition to unpaid wages and other labor code violations.
We know these are all rumors flying around, bt by far the most offensive (and therefore semi-entertaining) one is that Sheryl once told Laura not to get “strep throat from sucking ni***r dick. I mean black dick.”
Uhhhhhh. Let’s just let that one sit.
Of course, the Lowes are denying it, and of course this new cliam has been folded under celeb-sycophant lawyer Gloria Allred, which makes us believe that all these accusations are false.
Allred is treading the fine line of believability here, which is why we can laugh at n-word cock.
Oh, you know, we’re going to hell. But that was a sure thing in the first place.
This wouldn’t be the first time Boll has boxed someone. He boxed his critics a few years ago. At least it’s nice to know Boll “cares” about Bay, even if he only seems to care how much he sucks. In that sense, we sort of “care” about Uwe Boll.
Can we stop talking about this guy! I never even heard his name till last week when he made threats and rants. The guy is a fucking idiot, making threats to me, Clooney, Eli Roth, says he has a doctorate - but uses the word “retard” in his vocabulary, come on. When you look at his videos, what is interesting are the backgrounds. I guess his low rent offices, with 15 year old 3/4 machines, archaic computers, this is just some dumb chump trying to get some fame when he has none, so he has to make Youtube lame quality anger rants. Guy just want attention because he can’t get any for the so called movies he makes. Nothing sadder when he had his screening in LA to an over half empty movie house.
He is a troubled soul - let’s not waste time on talking about him please.
M
It looks like there won’t be a boxing match, so we’re going to take Bay’s road (we hesitate to attribute the “high” road to Bay), and ignore this drama from here on out.
Unless there is a boxing match. In which case, we will pull 24-hour coverage.
Writing by Dave on Thursday, 24 April, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Wesley Snipes is in some deep shit for not paying his taxes.
A jury found the 45-year-old action star guilty of willfully failing to file taxes for three years, in which the government said he owed $2.7 million. Snipes was acquitted in February of three identical counts and two felony charges of tax fraud and conspiracy.
Still, prosecutors are pressing the judge for the maximum sentence of three years in prison. They say Snipes is a “notorious” offender who dogged the IRS for years.
Hey, we would totally not pay taxes if we could get away with it. The guy just thought he could get away with it, why all the fuss?
Luckily, Snipes had his celebrity backers with him and The Smoking Gun got their grubby hands on the character reference letters from Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson.
Woody Harrelson has a great little story about Snipes lecturing him about racism on the set of Wildcats and Denzel Washington goes into a weak “mighty oak” metaphor.
At least the guy has real lawyers.
Read the Harrelson and Washington letters after the jump!
To compete in the Uwe Boll Movie Challenge, you must create a short film that meets the following guidelines:
It must be made at home.
You must use ketchup.
You must use a little brother.
You must not use some bullshit nickname out of the internet.
You have until May 16th.
Beyond that, anything goes. You don’t have to use Mini-DV. If you don’t have a little brother, you can use someone else’s. Fictional little brothers (Donald Kaufman, I’m looking at you!) are not permitted, unless they appear in the film. L’il Brudder from Home Star Runner is permitted with extreme prejudice. The filmmakers Boll has called out (Micheal Haneke, Tom Twyker, Gus Van Sant, Steven Spielberg, Eli Roth, George Clooney, and especially Michael Bay) are encouraged to enter.
Enter the contest by posting a link to your video, including your real name, in the comments of this post. I’ll embed the best entries into later posts. There is no prize for winning The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge, unless Uwe Boll decides to provide one.
Thanks, and good luck!
Writing by Dave on Wednesday, 23 April, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Yoko Ono is kind of a bitch. Yeah, sorry. We had to say it.
She broke up the Beatles, she seems incapable of doing anything worthwhile as an artist, she pays for crappy soft-serve ice cream at Sarah Lawrence (where she went to college) and she keeps suing people for stupid-ass reasons.
There are lots of reasons to hate Yoko, but John Lennon apparently never discovered even one. Over time, our opinion of John Lennon has actually mutated to: “Great musician, pretty good thinker, horrible taste in women.”
Why are our panties in a twist now? Because she’s needlessly suing again. Two different lawsuits in two days.
Footage of John Lennon smoking pot, writing songs and discussing putting the hallucinogenic drug LSD in President Richard Nixon’s tea is the focus of a court case starting in Boston next week over whether the video should be made public.
The case pits Lennon’s widow, Yoko Ono, against Lawrence, Massachusetts-based World Wide Video, which claims ownership of nine hours of raw footage of the former Beatle and Ono that was filmed just weeks before the “Fab Four” broke up in 1970.
World Wide, a New England consortium of Beatles collectors, wants to release the black-and-white footage as a two-hour film titled “3 days in the life” about Lennon during a pivotal and turbulent time for the most celebrated band of the 1960s.
Rolling Stone magazine dubs it “awesome John Lennon footage you might never see.”
What makes this even more stupid is that World Wide bought the videotapes from the man that shot them: Yoko’s ex-husband Anthony Cox.
Cox sold the tapes to World Wide who had them stolen. They eventually recovered the tapes, but when they did, Yoko had bought copies from a man in Florida who claimed to rep World Wide and now she says she has the copyright.
This is Yoko’s fault because: Lennon knew he was being filmed, World Wide bought it from the guy who shot it and WE WANT TO SEE IT!
John Lennon’s widow, Yoko Ono, and his sons are suing the filmmakers of “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed” for using the song “Imagine” in the documentary without permission.
Yoko Ono, son, Sean Ono Lennon, and Julian Lennon, John Lennon’s son from his first marriage, along with privately held publisher EMI Blackwood Music Inc filed suit in U.S. District Court in Manhattan seeking to bar the filmmakers and their distributors from continuing to use “Imagine” in the movie.
They are also seeking unspecified damages.
The documentary, which features Ben Stein, an actor, comedian and former speechwriter for President Richard Nixon, looks at alleged discrimination against scientists and teachers who support so-called intelligent design as an alternative to Darwin’s theory of evolution.
This one makes a little more sense. First, because we’ve gotten the “Ben Stein supports intelligent design” SPAM e-mail, like, 50 times. Also, the Lennon estate should have a certain degree of control over it’s songs and if Expelled used it without permission, they should get sued.
But…why sue for damages now? Part of the suit is just to bar the use of the song in the film, though just a cease and desist letter from the Lennon estate would probably do the job right quick. Why should we pay Yoko Ono et al for using “Imagine” of all things?
It just seems like a stupid way to settle something that should have never been an issue.
Anyway, we have tons of more reasons to hate Yoko Ono. So many that when she stood amongst a table of guns, inviting people to shoot here as an art piece, we looked into the legal ramifications of shooting Yoko Ono.
Turns out she legally could have prosecuted us, even when she asked as part of the piece.
Judging from just these two days, she would have sued us too.
Writing by Dave on Wednesday, 23 April, 2008 at 10:22 am
David O. Russell (Three Kings, I Heart Huckabees) is directing a new film called Nailed starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Jessica Biel, James Marsden, Catherine Keener, Tracy Morgan and Olivia Crocicchia.
The story centers around a woman who gets a nail lodged in her head and travels to Washington to fight for better health care.
Caan was supposed to play the Speaker of the House who choked to death on a cookie, but a THR reports, some “creative differences” went down:
The trouble started Wednesday on the first of Caan’s two days of shooting the role of a U.S. speaker of the house who chokes to death on a cookie. Russell asked him to cough as he choked, but Caan argued that the character couldn’t cough and choke to death at the same time.
Russell suggested that they shoot it both ways, but the actor expressed distrust that his version would be considered and left the South Carolina set. A spokesman for Caan wouldn’t confirm or deny the specifics of what happened but said with a laugh that there were creative differences and the departure was amicable.
Yeah, amicable. Right.
Caan’s part is going to get re-cast, but in case walking off set because the director wants you to cough seems a little extreme to you, perhaps we should remind you of David O Russell’s shady reputation.
Namely, when cameras we left rolling as he berated Lily Tomlin on set:
Writing by Dave on Sunday, 20 April, 2008 at 10:59 am
Weekend!
Some stuff is happening right now in the entertainment world, but since it’s Sunday the 20th of April and we’re pretty aware of our core demographic, we’re going to lump all the stories currently holding our attention into one fantastic Sunday post.
Ready? Let’s go!
James Bond wrecked his car over the weekend. Or someone wrecked it for him. While the luckiest PA in the world was driving the Aston Martin to set, something horrible happened that ended with the PA being taken to the hospital with minor injuries and the poor wreck being pulled out of an Italian lake.
Luckily, the Italians are all over this one:
Firstshowing can confirm that Robert Downey Jr. is in The Incredible Hulk as Tony Stark. There had been rumors that the cross-over between Iron Man and Hulk had been left on the cutting room floor, but those were obviously false. This doesn’t surprise us as Iron Man can do no wrong in fanboy’s eyes while Hulk is pretty much going to suck. Anything that the Hulk folks can do to get more butts in the seats is happening right now.
Here’s a good one from Dave’s roommate: Cruisin’ On Broadway.
Katie Holmes is supposed to be working on a new play in New York, and Tom Cruise is trying to revive his career, currently on life support. Says our source: “Tom Cruise has been holding secret readings for a new play written for Katie and himself based on the life of L. Ron Hubbard. Sources say Tom Cruise will star/produce/direct his baby to ensure the integrity of the story.”
Sigourney Weaver has basically declared Ripley dead because Alien Vs. Predator has cheapened the Alien property.She told MTV:
“The last time [Ridley and I] saw each other we talked about it. The character is still interesting [and] I’d love to work with Ridley again,” Weaver said. “But Fox has effectively killed it because of ‘Alien vs. Predator.’ What else can you do with the creature? You can take the situation, you can go back to where they came from. …To play someone who ages a couple hundred years was fascinating. [But] let [Ripley] rest.”
No! Ripley!
As far as the Alien timeline goes, Ripley can bring it all together if we find out what she does when she gets back on Earth. Alien Resurrection ended with Rips and Wynona Ryder entering Earth’s atmosphere. That’s the first time Ripley has been “home” in HUNDREDS of years.
Real Ripley never got home.
How is there not a whole story in that even if there is…wait for it…NO ALIEN FOR MOST OF THE MOVIE. Remember that? Remember when Alien movies were about knowing that the monster was out there somewhere?
That’s what we’re missing, and Ripley is the only Alien character with an interesting plot that could sustain itself for 60 minutes without an Alien showdown.
Here’s our offer: we will write a treatment for RSA (Ridley Scott’s directors) or a representative of Weaver. We will do it! Just pay us for the first draft if you like it, but we are professionals here (you might not be able to tell from our blog style).
If you have any part in the Alien property, help us out!
Writing by Dave on Thursday, 17 April, 2008 at 1:28 pm
First, something unrelated: A few of you have contacted Dave through the “submit tips” button, on his Facebook and through e-mail asking if he will be at New York Comic-Con this weekend. He respectfully suggests that you watch Superhero Hype! for their fantastic Comic Con coverage.
This hasn’t stopped him from getting his goons to start a Pro-Uwe-Boll petition (here) and send him on a mini “any press is good press tour where he slags off different directors.
On today’s hit list: Gus Van Sant, Run Lola Run’s Tom Tykwer and some choice words for Michael Bay (again).
Writing by Dave on Thursday, 17 April, 2008 at 8:06 am
Ed Norton released a carefully worded, mid-length statement in lieu of an interview yesterday as rumors that he has abandoned press for the project began to spread.
Here’s the thing though: the man doesn’t deny that he is pissed at Marvel’s version of the movie and has refused to travel on the press junket for it. Norton just talks about how he “wrote and helped produce” the film (at best he was a writer who got some help, realistically, who knows how much Norton is in the script), and says that we’ll love the flick, but he never denies that he is not doing press for the movie.
As much as we want to take his minor dig at us internet gossipers personally, we can’t because the statement sounds like the song remains the same and Norton has abandoned his baby for one reason or another.
Before you “Read More…” and get the full statement, keep this in mind: we think the movie will actually be better the more they distance Ed Norton from it. As we said yesterday, Marvel knows their property better than Norton, we trust them.
Not to mention that he refused to hit our friend DavidJr.com because of…copyright laws?
Writing by Dave on Wednesday, 16 April, 2008 at 11:16 am
We wrote on this before, but Ed Norton makes all sorts of threats about withholding publicity tours on his films, so we didn’t give much thought to it.
The star of The Incredible Hulk, the new $150 million adaptation of the Marvel comic-book series, would normally be chatting up the press this time of year, promoting his big summer movie. Instead, the 38-year-old Oscar nominee has declined repeated interview requests, following a disagreement he had with his producers over the final cut of the film. In recent months, Norton and the film’s director, Louis Leterrier (The Transporter), campaigned for a longer, more detailed film. Marvel Studios wanted a faster, leaner one. Marvel won. These creative arguments happen in Hollywood a lot but usually remain a secret. This time, they didn’t. So Norton isn’t talking, and others are ready to lay the blame — well, everywhere. ”It’s as much Marvel’s fault as it is Edward’s,” Leterrier says. ”And my fault. It’s everybody’s fault! Or no one’s fault, in a way. I regret that [Marvel and Norton] didn’t come to an agreement where we could’ve all worked together.”
No, EW! Don’t blame Marvel! Marvel might be the only party that is playing this right.
If you ask fans of The Hulk, the ones who love the character and saw the Ang Lee disappointment, you know that they WANT a streamlined movie. Slow, character driven drivel (and if you’ve seen the Painted Veil, you’ll know Ed’s love for chewing scenery needlessly) is exactly what this Hulk re-launch CAN’T BE.
This is nothing but bad news for Marvel who know they have a sellable property, but have been unable to adapt it in an interesting way.
Look at us, already talking like The Incredible Hulk has tanked.
Writing by Dave on Tuesday, 15 April, 2008 at 10:35 am
Sweet Jesus McGillicutty, please let this be true. This might be the only thing that ushers Britney Spears back into the spotlight, short of a world tour (which she is still not in the condition to do).
The new word is that Britney was filming herself for the past six months, and now that the ordel is over, she wants to release it on the ‘net, or maybe get a reality TV special like the atrociously horrible Chaotic series her and Kevin Federline had before the divorce.
The details and who is scared Britney will go public with this footage after the cut, yo!
