Now, I know normally Dave comes up with something all his own, but Sci-Fi Scanner got me thinking. Just how would you market and shape a film like Wonder Woman, one of DC Comics’ top three characters? After the huge success Christopher Nolan had with Batman, and ignoring the gigantic flop that was Superman Returns, there’s a possible gold mine with this Amazon.

Sure, S-FS is earnest and truly try to decide how to make a good film (”Skip the Origin Story,” “Check Out the New Comics”) but since when does that mean jack when your heroine runs out in a onesie with a magic S&M lasso? No, when it comes to Wonder Woman, we run into two very basic problems.

a) Strong female lead who is comfortable wearing a onesie for 90-120 min.

b)Someone who can make a) not suck.

So how does one even accomplish this feat, when not even Joss Whedon could bring a proper sheen to the franchise through no fault of his own? It’s almost impossible, as the female character in the past summer blockbusters were either a one-dimensional damsel (Katie Holmes/Rachel Gylenhaal/Gwyneth Paltrow), a buxom one-dimensional “ass-kicker” (Jessica Biel, Selma Blair) or they were the by-product of a horrible 80s film (Helen Slater, Lea Thompson.)

God forbid I even bring up Halle Berry.

What we get down to is indeed sexism and even a sense of childishness that can be blamed on the filmmakers and the comic’s creators. Alysa Rosenberg at The American Prospect was right when she wrote:

At their best, a few superheroines transcend their paneled pages and become literary figures. But rather than drawing on extant rich stories about female superheroes, contemporary comic-based movies either downplay their powers and their personalities or rewrite them as trashy high camp.

In Fantastic Four lore, Susan Storm is a relative genius that has to live in the shadow of Reed Richards. Even her power is primarily to turn invisible, whereas Reed extends himself and becomes smarter in the process. I won’t get boiled down in gender theory, but there’s clearly something going on. No wonder in the film Jessica Alba was cast to act as a pair of breasts in a skin-tight suit. So, how exactly do we pitch Wonder Woman? Do we modernize it? Do we make it as campy as the TV show? Maybe go the route of a “tween” Diana and cast a Disney-friendly face?

Well, we don’t do anything. Because the film shouldn’t be made.

If anything, Warner Brothers would endorse a Catwoman-esque retooling to give the false impression of feminism that does nothing more than tout the joys of being an Amazon. There’d be a Lynda Carter cameo, vague double entendres about lassoing men and the whole “fish out of water” storyline that comes when your main character was molded from clay or a princess or whatever retcon is canon these days. And as it stands right now, WB would be afraid to touch the film given its’ past with Whedon. At best, Wonder Woman will be a side-character in whatever form the bastardized Justice League takes.

Our advice? Take the money and use it to design a decent female comic character for a film that wouldn’t suck.

Bit of a head scratcher here. Simon Pegg broke into our homes and smashed our hearts with Shaun of the Dead, a wonderful parody of the romantic comedy–with zombies. After wards, America fell deeper in love with him through bootleg–and now legal–DVDs of his TV series Spaced. But things got rough with Hot Fuzz, Run, Fatboy Run and How To Lose Friends and Alienate People (which opened below An American Carol last week.)

So it’s kind of shocking to hear that he’s signed a seven-figure deal to write three non-fiction books. BBC has more:

The Hot Fuzz star’s first title will be a memoir about his career and is due to come out next year.

The second book is expected to be humorous, while the third is a “highly illustrated, lavishly-produced title”, according to [publisher] Hodder and Stoughton.

Right now it appears to be a plan and get the books out over the next three years–just in time for Star Trek mania, where Pegg puts on his best drunk Scot brogue as Montgomery Scott. Still, isn’t it kinda early for your memoirs, Simon? Unless you’re taking the sudden box office backlash personally, we guess.

Sometimes the news writes your story for you. With Hollywood still feeling the crunch of the WGA strike for next summer’s film season, The Bad and Ugly is pitching news stories as films.

Ideas go to the highest bidder!

The Story: Very simple. A woman comes home to discover a man with a claw hammer waiting to kill her. After a struggle, she strangles the man to death in self defense.

Only to learn that the man she killed was a hitman hired by her husband.

Simply: woman kills hitman hired by husband.

This really happened.

Title of the Film: HitWife

Tagline: “Till Death Do They Part” or “Her Husband Missed The Mark.”

Starring: Diane Keaton as the wife who strangles a hitman played by Sean William Scott, hired by her husband Al Pacino, because he’ll mostly yell his way through the part anyway.

The Plot: Diane Keaton plays Susan Kuhnhausen, in the middle of a messy divorce with her husband, Al Pancio.

The film starts with Sean William Scott deciding to become a hitman after getting out of jail for good behavior. He looks at guns at the local sporting goods store and fantasizes about becoming a hired killer.

Al Pacino, meanwhile seems to have lost his mob connections and is losing ground in the divorce proceedings to his soon-to-be-ex-wife.

Keaton is basically playing Diane Keaton of late, discovering the idiosyncratic nature of being a newly-single woman in the twilight of her life. Insert side plots from Something’s Gotta Give, The Family Stone, Town and Country.

Pacino meets Scott through an online ad for contract killers. Pancino’s a bad-ass, but is unable to sniff out Scott’s complex farce. He hires Scott, but Scott only has a hammer.

Once Keaton kills Scott in her home, Pacino goes inot hiding, convinced he needs to kill his wife himself.
The Twist: The beginning of the film plays out like an indie crime drama, however, as soon as Pacino goes on the hunt and Keaton’s inner woman is given superpowers (when she realizes she can kill a man), the film becomes a lot like the First Wives Club, but if the First Wives were all about killing their ex-husbands.

Why It Will Work: The film buffs will show up hoping for a gritty crime drama, or they will just pay the price to see Pacino and Keaton get into the fight everyone has wanted to see them have since Godfather Part II. The teens will show up for Sean William Scott and the women will show up for the empowerment issue.

Make the film for a slim $11 million dollars, dump it in late October. Women will love to see something that isn’t 100% gore in that time period and maybe - just maybe - you could hold over for Oscar bait.

David Zucker, the guy who made Airplane and Naked Gun is going to make fun of us liberals (hey, maybe you aren’t, but whatever) by using a Michael Moore character as Scrooge in his newest spoofy-comedy An American Carol.

It’s pretty easy to see how this is going to work out. Kevin Farely (brother of the late Chris) plays the Moore-ripoff who is visited on the 4th of July by three ghosts of independence. The film includes cameo runs by Leslie Nielsen, Bill O’Reilly (who introduced the trailer on his show), Dennis Hopper and James Woods and also stars Kelsey Grammer and Jon Voight as ghosts of Independence.

Check out the trailer under the cut!

Now that The Incredible Hulk has opened and pulled down the #1 spot at this weekend’s Box Office, it’s safe to say that the big green man will be making a return, be it in a third Hulk movie or just a spot in The Avengers for Marvel in 2011.

/Film has an impressive retrospective of then entire Marvel Vs. Edward Norton controversy, outlining the parts of the Edward Norton script cut, eventually leading to the stripping of his writing credit and the rumors that Norton wasn’t going to do promotion for Hulk (he did, but not a lot).

Pair that up with a FirstShowing’s report detailing director Louis Leterrier’s choice to end The Incredible Hulk with a smiling goateed Ed Norton:

“So that last shot of the movie, if you decide that he’s smiling, in control, then he’s a good guy, that’s The Hulk 2. If Hulk is a failure, then he looks up and smirks and that’s eventually the Hulk of The Avengers - the uncontrollable beast that they need to team up to stop.”

The Hulk will be back, seems to be the summation, but Ed Norton will probably fly the coup (We would if we were promised as much control as he was only to have it stripped away). Ed’s not big on popcorn flicks and usually sticks to more independent products where he can act as a producer and control his appearance in the film. Though some might be interested in a Norton-controlled Hulk 2, there is no way Marvel is going to hand out spare producer creds on The Avengers.

It looks like Bruce (or as we see in the end of Incredible; David) Banner might need another change of face. Norton was a step in the right direction after Eric Bana’s Banner looked too buff to be the nerdy scientist required for the Marvel Jekyll and Hyde.

We think we’ve found your man, Universal: Steve Buscemi.

He looks like the least likely man to turn into a giant green behemoth, he’s got the chops to bring more geek to the role (though whomever dawns the part of Betty Ross needs to be convincingly in love with him, like Thora Birch in Ghost World) and IMDB lists him as totally open for the 2011 slot, even if his rumored projects in development all end up seeing the light of day.

Hulk will be back with or without Norton, and letting Buscemi take the superhero role he deserves will guarantee that Banner will hold his own against the rumored heavyweights being eyed for the rest of the Avengers: Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man, Leo Dicaprio as Captain America and Brad Pitt as Thor.

Sometimes the news writes your story for you. With Hollywood still feeling the crunch of the WGA strike, The Bad and Ugly is pitching news stories as films.

Ideas go to the highest bidder!

The Story: Rescue crews had to cut apart a portable toilet to rescue a man who got stuck naked inside the potty.

Authorities say 31-year-old Shannon Hunter, of Lebanon, Pa., used his cell phone to call 911 on Sunday from inside a portable toilet.

Police say Hunter had been drinking and had taken off his clothes. Somehow, he immersed himself in the holding tank.

The Pitch after the cut!

Sometimes the news writes your story for you. With the WGA Strike going on and no new scripts being written, The Bad and Ugly is pitching news stories as films.

Ideas go to the highest bidder!

The Story: 41-year-old Arkansas resident Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 18th child, adding to her already large family of seven sisters and ten brothers. Also, all their names start with the letter J (monogram once, use 18 times): Joshua, 20; Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; Johannah, 2; and Jennifer, 9 months.

It’s the Planet Duggar Pitch, after the jump!