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Seems like Ozzy Osbourne has come out of whatever hole he last dug himself in since The Osbournes ended a satisfying pop culture death to make a variety show. Of course, probably under the assumption that he doesn’t need someone to write his lines (”Uhaghndjnnnn…SHAAARON!!”) the show’s producers have sought to make the program “half-scripted,” according to the New York Times.

Basic translation: We really do need to script the old man, but don’t feel like paying for it.

Of course, this does not please the Writer’s Guild:

Such a contract would pay reduced fees to guild-represented writers of skits, interview material and scene outlines, said the letter, written by Patric M. Verrone, president of the Writers Guild of American West and Michael Winship, president of the Writers Guild East.
…
The guild said that Fremantle offered to “pay greatly reduced writing fees” to writers of skits, interview material and introductions, while other portions of the show would not employ guild-represented writers. Jeff Hermanson, an assistant executive director of the guild’s western branch, said that the guild had traditionally covered 100 percent of the work on programs like the proposed Osbournes show, which he called “a completely straightforward, traditional comedy-variety show.”

The tentatively titled The Osbournes: Loud and Dangerous would act as a possible companion to American Idol when it returns in 2009. No surprise that FremantleMedia North America is producing both shows.

From the Splash News photo-wire: creepy stuff this afternoon.

The Story: Supermodel Kate Moss has been immortalized in gold. A life-sized solid gold statue of the model in a yoga pose been made by British artist Marc Quinn and is on show in the British Museum.

The artist says she is worth 10 million British pounds.

We say: Dead eyes. And that yoga pose is creepier than the cropped pic above leads on (”Read More…” to see the full version).

The story: A cartoon exhibition has been given a parental advisory - because it’s so gruesome. The Aquarium L-13 gallery has imposed an explicit content warning for the first time ever because all the characters meet such grisly ends.

In a mirror of the Itchy and Scratchy Show, the violent cartoon that features in The Simpsons, cartoon characters, who are censored to protect their identities, all commit horrible crimes. Artist James Cauty and his 15-year-old son Harry have created the controversial exhibition. Called Splatter, it will be on display at the gallery in Farringdon, London, from October 10 until November 8 2008.

We say: We didn’t put in the “censored” blocks, since they seem to be part of the art. But, we want to see behind them, and we want to own this statue. Finally he caught that damn mouse!

Make the jump by clicking “Read More…” for full-sized, un-cropped versions of this freakiness.

You don’t mess with British songstresses. Amy Winehouse will f*cking kill you if you so much as touch her, and Lily Allen has gotten into the habit of flashing her boobs (link NSFW) and hitting random passersby who try to heckle her on the street.

See how it went down by “reading” more [ED: Not actually lots of reading].

We thought about doing a rundown of an AP article we found for The B&U Pitch, but the more we read the article and though about the consequences, we realized that this already has the makings of several films at it’s core.

Take the child ninjas from 3 Ninjas, add the undercover cop at school from Kindergarten Cop (emotional subplot optional), add the savvy-student-saves-the-day element from Masterminds and tack on a little bit of the wonder from Sandlot allowing the kids to make a non-story an actual plot and you have this article from AP:

BARNEGAT, N.J.—It’s the case of the nonexistent ninja. Public schools in Barnegat were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school.

Turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword.

Police tell the Asbury Park Press the man was late to a costume-themed day at a nearby middle school.

The lockdown began shortly after 9 a.m. Wednesday and lasted until 9:30.

Drama: it’s everywhere.

IDW Publishing, the company responsible for the 30 Days of Night, Star Trek and Transformers comic books, are about to release Presidential Material, two separate “graphic biographies” on presidential hopefuls Barack Obama and John McCain.

According to IDW’s promotional site the books are “painstakingly researched and beautifully drawn depictions of the two men vying for what is arguably the most important job in the world.”

So, no Obama slamming McCain into a wall of concrete then? We’re a little disappointed.

This does, however, prove that comic books are officially mainstream, even if the majority of their fanboy readers are still on the margins of dominant society. IDW claims comic books are a “true American art form” — but they would say that. (So would we.)

The Incredible Hulk premiered yesterday at Universal City Walk in Studio City, CA. Usually, we wouldn’t particularly care, but this comment from ONTD got us thinking:

No. Not everyone, right? We aren’t low class enough to speculate, are we?

Yes, we are…

What’s the best thing about getting Hi-Res trailers as downloads? Going frame-by-frame through some awesome visuals.

Beware the spoilers, boys and girls, there are brief glimpses in the Dark Knight trailer of plot details.

That we will point out and explain BELOW THE CUT!