When a film comes out, the stars usually share the promotional duties. In the case of this film, however, Star 1 has been making the rounds of talk shows, while Star 2 has been conspicuously absent. While Star 2 is claiming that his absense is due to other work obligations, the truth is that the friction between the two was so bad on the set that Star 2 has completely washed his hands of anything to do with the film. Star 1 remains publicly upbeat and supportive of Star 2, but has privately told friends that Star 2 is “the biggest a**hole on the planet,” and that the two will never, ever work together again.

-Blind Gossip

Haven’t done a blind item in awhile, and this one from Blind Gossip is right up our alley:

Which TV drama series is going to go off the air without wrapping storylines or telling the viewers? The network is pretending that everything is fine. The stars continue to smile, and the network continues to promote the show. However, the schedule has been shuffled and show’s writers have been told to clear out their offices.

Easy guesses are: Pushing Daises, Lipstick Jungle (already canceled), My Own Worst Enemy. People seem to think Heroes is a good answer, but their ratings aren’t low enough that NBC wouldn’t try re-tooling.

We have a guess, and it makes us sad to think we might be right…

Yes, this Page Six Blind Item is in no way “news.” But, it is bad, ugly, absurd and totally ridiculous, especially when I keep waking up to financial crisis after financial crisis:

WE HEAR…that Olympic hero Michael Phelps - besides banking a bundle from endorsements - picked up $100,000 for appearing at an LA pool party for a TV network chief’s wife and swimming some laps.

Defamer guesses that the wife is bride-of-CBS Julie Chen. We’re just happy that our most hated (NBC’s Ben Silverman) is single.

Apparently, there is high demand for not only another Conan the Barbarian film, but of an entire reimaging of the concept. Completely retooled and using none of the characters found in the original series, someone–God only knows who–thought this would be the perfect project. Perhaps not being aware of the poof-and-you-missed it Outlander, which involved vikings and such, there doesn’t seem to be much outcry for a brand spanking-new Conan reboot.

That said, the last person I’d ever imagine doing said film would be Brett Ratner.

But that’s the word from Drew “Moriarty” McWeeny at Ain’t It Cool:

And let’s be clear… stop calling this a remake. They’re not doing the Milius film. They’re starting over from the original stories. So it’s relly wrong to call this thing a remake at all. You won’t be seeing the same story or even the same supporting characters. This is ground zero.

…

Oh, Brett… why do you want to hurt me? Why do you want to make this movie? Please, please, please tell me it’s because you have a genuine passion for the material and not just because it’s a start date and a financing package that’s ready to go. Please tell me that you really care about the character and its history, and not that it’s just “Hey, I recognize that name.”

We’re not sure how Drew knows this, nor is there any confirmation avaliable. But just think about a Ratner-helmed Conan. He’s perfectly capable of shooting a film. But think about it: soaring, insturmental score over a barren winter landscape. Camera pans across the frozen tundra until we come across–JACKIE CHAN AS A SHERPA. Behind him, CHRIS TUCKER AS AN AFRICAN WARRIOR LOST IN THE COLD!

Together they team with Conan for one wild, wacky adventure! Ha ha ha ha!

No really, let’s be thankful no one has yet to confirm this. As Drew himself writes: “So it’s relly wrong to call this thing a remake at all.”

Yeah, “abomination and franchise rape” sounds more fitting.

You may not realize it, but I just came up with the term “Ho-Ro’ed.” It is when you are purchasing the fine services of a lady, man or ladyman (”Ho”) and during or after said services, you are robbed (”Ro’ed”).

You may ask, “John, what the hell does that mean? And where’s Dave? And wha–”

Shhh. Instead, take a gander at Crazy Days and Nights‘ blind item:

Last week, this A list director of some very huge films was shooting his new movie. After work, our director went to a local restaurant (as was his routine) where he picked up two local floozies. After buying them a few drinks and impressing them with his big-shot “I’m a Big Hollywood Director” come-on, our director took the two tramps back to his hotel for a night of debauchery. Little did our director know what he was getting himself into!

Turns out that this pair of hometown hotties weren’t as dumb as our director thought. In fact, there were certified pros, if you get my meaning. (Word has it ugly pros, too – but hey, whattaya want.)

Anyway, flash forward a few hours

Our director wakes up the next morning feeling all kinds of groggy. He discovers his wallet missing, and worst of all – his laptop stolen. On the purloined laptop was reportedly the script to his new movie and several highly secret, ultra-confidential, For-His-Eyes-Only visual FX sequences for the new movie that could be leaked any day now. Not surprisingly, the studio is furious with our director and his utter lack of discretion.

Well then! The commenters over at Gawker seem to be sold on one of two directors: Michael Bay and Brett Ratner. And to be quite honest, I can’t fathom it’s either of them. It is a well documented fact that Michael Bay must include–at least–five explosions and two car chases for each woman he beds. And Brett Ratner chases after anything with a pulse, a skirt and a hole.

Oh, wait. I take that back. It probably was Brett Ratner. So to the two lucky thieves: delete the script for Rush Hour 4 and save the rest of us. Thanks.

Note: We’re kidding. About the Brett Ratner part. Still 100% behind deleting the script of Rush Hour 4, though. Besides, it was probably Frank Miller. It’s a well known fact he loves whores.

Yeah, this is pretty disgusting. When we read it, we hoped that it was 100% false, because this is either the beginning of a career-ending story or some crap a NY Post intern made up right before it went to press:

WHICH hunk in a summer movie is a violent, closeted homosexual? The heartthrob snuck into his ex’s apartment a few months ago and raped him so violently, the ex ended up in the hospital - and the actor paid him $500,000 to keep his mouth shut . . .

For shame, Page Six. Rape is not a blind item subject.

We occasionally get in trouble for guessing about these here blind items, but The New York Daily News just coughed up a juicy one that we can’t resist speculating about:

”Which cocaine-loving actress is said to be relying on her closeted husband to meet guys? A source says that when they were at a party recently, the hubby asked a fellow guest, ‘Do you want to bleep my wife? Because you can.’”

Our guess, after the cut!