Frequent reader/contributor WeaponXQc (previously called Reader Jay, I believe) sent me his review of the Wolverine workprint literally hours after the leak was announced. I told him that officially I was not going to print reviews of the workprint until the film came out and thought to myself that it wouldn’t matter because the movie would be different…

…which it wasn’t.

I thought I’d resurrect this review because it takes the fanboy route as opposed to my recent “F*ck Fox” route. It’s worth a look, inside…

After reading that there was a workprint copy of X-Men Origins Wolverine online, I kinda had to look it up. Being a huge Wolverine fan, as you already know, didn’t help it either. Thought I’d take the claws out on it… but since this isn’t the finish product, this won’t be my actual review of this flick. Even though a lot of special effects were missing, we still get a good look at what the movie will be. Actually, let me rephrase that: we get a good look at how FOX decided to screw up Wolverine’s orgin/back story. Ok, we already knew that from the trailers… but now it’s a bit more official!

The movie starts off in the North-West Territories, Canada, in 1845. Little James Howlett is in bed, sick and coughing, talking to young Victor Creed, who’s sitting on a chair next to him, sharpening his nails up with a knife. James’ father comes in to tuck in his son. Suddenly, we hear Victor’s father coming in the Howlett’s mansion, yelling James’ mother’s name, Elizabeth, out loud. His father comes to her rescue but ends up getting shot by the other guy. James runs outside of his room to find his father dying on the floor. Victor’s father, gun in hand, then tells him that they are things that he can’t understand to which James replies by going in a berserker stage and pops his bone claws for the first time. He then runs toward his father’s killer and stabs him in the chest. “He wasn’t your father, son” are the killer’s last words. His mom stares at him and ask “what are you?” with a disgusted look. Scared, James runs away to the woods. Victor catches up to him and tells him, like in the trailer, that they are brothers and that they have to stick together no matter what. People starts coming their way with lanterns… so they start running.

Beginning credits starts… with James and Victor, now grown up and played by Hugh Jackman and Live Schreiber, still running, but this time, it’s during the U.S. Civil War, fighting along the Union side. James is shot and gets a canon ball to the chest. Time goes forward, we still follow him and Victor, but this time through no-man’s land and into trenches during a World War I battle. During a fight against the enemy, Victor gets shot and time goes forward again. This time, we found ourselves during the Battle for Normandy in WWII, James and Victor running out of a landing craft and engaging Nazis in a fight. Flash forward to a chopper scene set during Vietnam war, with Victor firing down crazily a machine gun and James telling him “that’s enough!”. The chopper lands near a village, where Victor takes a female villager hostage in a hut and is intercepted by one of his teamates. A fight starts between him and his fellow soldiers. James goes to his rescue. They are outnumbered and get surround by them. Credits end with them tied to poles, getting shot at by a firing squad.

So, this was the first 8 minutes of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I could probably go scene by scene and describe the whole thing… but why go through the whole story when I can get to the point way faster. Hey! That’s what FOX did by making a 1 hour 45 minutes movie… the point being to do some fast cash off our fanboy asses. So here’s mine: It’s way too fuckin’ short and it feels way too fuckin’ rushed. The intro itself, before the credits, lasts a big 3 minutes… and it’s very (very, very, very,…) loosely based on chapter 2 and 3 of the 6-part Origin miniseries. And anyone looking for Rose will be surely disappointed. So, why does his name switches from James to Logan in the movie? No explanation here! Don’t look for it. It’s supposed to be called “X-Men Origins:Wolverine”… so why the fuck to they change his whole origin? Want more elements that while get your fanboy ass screaming? Keep reading…

Like I said, I won’t be describing the whole movie scene by scene since FOX will probably ask to get this taken down if I do… but here’s 10 things you need to know about it:

1- Weapon XI is Deadpool. So… weird dude with swords coming out of his arms? That’s him. So, what’s up with Wade Wilson? Unfortunately, that’s him too. The Merc with a mouth got his piehole sewed shut and got “pooled” with the DNA of other mutants. What powers did he get? Healing Factor & Retractable “swords”(taken from Wolverine), Optic Blast (taken from young Cyclops) and Teleportation (taken from John Wraith). FOX loses major points here… and they’re planning a Deadpool spin-off?

2- Victor Creed and James Howlett are half-brothers!?!? I didn’t like the idea when this came up in the trailers and I still don’t like it now! Plus, Victor constantly calls Logan “Jimmy”. Little something that got on my nerves… FOX loses even more points here for making them actual blood brothers.

3- This movie is only 1 hour and 45 mins!!! Didn’t movies like The Dark Knight, The Lord of The Rings, Harry Potter,… already proved the major studios that we aren’t dumb enough not to be able to enjoy a movie that is over 2 hours??? Like many studios, prefers to make movies with a shorter runtime so they can get more showings in one day. FOX gains “greedy” points for this.

4- Wolverine is called Weapon X once in the movie and they also point out that the “X” is a roman number… but they don’t call him Weapon 10. FOX gets a couple of points for that one.

5- The adamantium is made by William Stryker from meteor fragments retrieved by his “special team” early in the movie. METEORS? WTF? I guess fuckin’ up Wolverine’s back story wasn’t enough… they had to do the same with his infamous metal. Again, FOX loses points for not sticking to the source material.

6-Remy Lebeau aka Gambit has a bigger role than expected in the movie. He didn’t share a back story with Wolverine in the comic books but at least his character is pretty close to the original. Taylor Kitsch’s Cajun accent is like Hugh Jackman’s North American accent… it tends to drop in and out from scene to scene. Points to FOX for including his red eyes!

7- Young Scott Summers aka Cyclops shouldn’t be in this movie. He should either be too young and powerless OR wearing his ruby-quartz glasses at the X-Mansion. Didn’t Professor X invent those glasses in the first place? Ah well… at least the reason why he wouldn’t remember Wolverine later is in there. It’s subtle… but there! FOX loses points for including Cyclops in a Wolverine movie… did we really need him in this one?? But gains a couple of points for cutting out young Storm!

8- Young Emma Frost aka White Queen get a cameo à la Colossus. We get to see her change to her diamond self a few times (Special FX weren’t completed at this point….). They needed another “mutant shield” so I guess that’s why she was in the movie. No mention of her telepathic powers. And FOX loses points for making her Silver Fox’s sister in the movie.

9- Wolverine doesn’t get some sort of chip implanted in his brain to forget his memories… something a little more quick and drastic. FOX needed a quick way to make him forget his past… like I needed a quick way to get high after to forget this butchery.

10- Patrick Stewart has a quick cameo at the end as Charles Xavier and helps Scott Summers and other young mutants escape captivity. Half a point for FOX for including Stewart in the movie… although it only makes sense if you believe that Cyclops should have been in this movie in the first place!

In conclusion, was X-Men Origins:Wolverine a ride worth riding? If you’re not very familiar with the character’s comic book back story or if you think X-Men:The Last Stand was the best X-Men movie… you’ll probably enjoy it a lot. If you’re a die-hard Wolverine fan like me… you’ll surely be pissed at FOX, again, after seeing it. And if you’re simply a movie-goer that thinks that big studios are releasing these “under-the-2-hour-mark” films to make a quick buck with more showings… well, that’s another one to add to the list! Anyways, for my part, I’m still going to go see it when it opens. Not just because I don’t want the MPAA on my ass, but I want to see the whole thing completed to be able to bury it even more with a full review! ‘Til then, I’m getting my claws coated in adamantium, my memories erased and getting ready to do more slashing May 1st.

WeaponXQc