But on the bright side, New York Daily News confirms George Clooney returns to ER for a very dramatic episode–we assume–on March 12th! Hoo-Ray! And he’ll likely continue his relationship with on-air-girlfriend Carol Hathaway (Juliana Margulies). The last time Clooney made a surprise guest appearance on the show, after leaving in 1999, NBC was unknown–even to the network. This time, though, there will be more than enough time to prep ourselves for a very dramatic and important episode of…ER.

The plot?
“The film tells the story of Senn (Justin Long) and Mala (Evan Rachel Wood), two rebellious alien teens living on the beautiful planet Terra, a place that promotes peace and tolerance, having long ago rejected war and weapons of mass destruction. But when Terra is invaded by human beings fleeing a civil war and environmental catastrophe, the planet is plunged into chaos. During the upheaval, Mala befriends an injured human pilot (Luke Wilson) and each learns the two races are not so different from one another. Together they must face the terrifying realization that in a world of limited resources, only one of their races is likely to survive.”

Cringe as you can hear Brian Cox. Strain to hear Danny Glover. It took us a second, but upon the fifth viewing of this trailer, we can’t help but feel pangs of regret. Especially featuring this plot, this cast and the same overtones of pacifism v. warmongers.

This is Delgo without Freddie Prinze Jr. At least this premiered at the Toronto Film Festival.

Two years ago.

Kudos to Kotaku this week for two awesome features that should delight and inspire all of us. Earlier, when they went into the behind-the-scenes of the WrestleJam! video game from The Wrestler. And today–even though Dave may not be there on Friday for CGI-fire action, team Kotaku got a hold of a DVD screener for the big release and made one of the Internet’s most favorite things.

A live-blog.

Choice cuts include:

12:00 - Hey, it’s the Capcom logo!

12:01 - Opening shot: Golden Gate bridge. There’s piano music. Piano music means this is a classy movie. In a voice over Chun Li star Kristen Kreuk is talking about how she wanted to be a concert pianist, but things don’t always work out the way you expect them. She moved to Hong Kong and everything changed. GREAT, BLAME HONG KONG.

…

12:16 - Chun-Li’s father is not dead, but in a fancy-schmancy prison — complete with a Mac desktop! Bison is keeping Chun-Li’s father in prison for his, wait for it, connections! That’s right, Chun-Li’s father’s connections. Bison has locked him on in a cell so he can email people?! And in return for his connections, Chun-Li’s father gets pictures and digi clips of his daughter. He sits in his chic cell all day looking at pictures of his daughter.

…

Okay, we’re about twenty minutes in, it’s a Chun-Li movie, and I have yet to see any Chun-Li thigh. Maybe I missed it? How can one miss Chun-Li thigh?

Oh, Chun-Li’s mom dies. There’s a weepy scene. BUT NO THIGHS.

12:21 - Hey, it’s that guy from American Pie! He’s an Interpool cop. But I thought Chun-Li was an Interpool cop? No, moron, she’s a concert pianist!

12:23 - Some old lady tells Chun-Li to find Gen and something about a spiderweb symbol. To find Gen, Chun-Li has to “leaver her life behind,” so she says goodbye to all her servants and leaves her mansion in the rain at night. WE SEE WET RAINY THIGHS.

It gets better. And is likely better than seeing the film, but this live-blog is essential. Print out a copy and bring it with you to the theater. Or, if Brian Ashcraft were a good soul, he’d throw it up on…uh…I don’t know, maybe something rhyming with “Door-Ant” ?

Well color us surprised. After appearing to be under a rock following the monumental success that was Delgo, people seemed to forget about Freddie Prinze Jr. Shockingly, it turns out he’s been writing scripts! For…wrestling!?

Defamer Lite has the rest:

Prinze left the post last week, and the rumor was that he was let go for leaking plot spoilers online.

Supposedly, Prinze unveiled some spoilers online about two of the sweaty men who fight each other being a secret or something. I’m not assed to care that much about wrasslers if they’re not Mickey Rourke. 24Wrestling ran with this questionable bit of English:

There has been speculation among WWE staffers that Freddie Prinze Jr. was one of the creative writers leaking WWE information. However the “official” reason Prinze left WWE was because of the demanding schedule, which is one of the main reasons other writers left the company in the past.

O…k.

It’s been a frantic pace for the last few days around these here Internets. Sites have been rife with trying to out-do each other when typing words about the latest film from The Visionary Director of 300 Zach Snyder™. Variety dryly states that it is merely film bloggers who are in said “frenzy” after allowing two paragraphs prior to a kicker with Devin Faraci from CHUD for his assessment that Watchmen is “a movie that flirts with honest to God greatness.” Over at AICN, Fat Harry uttered the same misgivings about the glut of reviews appearing online while he himself was “gagged”only to respond hours later with his own review along with Quint’s and Moriarty McWeeny’s.

It takes nearly 14 clunky paragraphs before Harry begins delving into the film, switching and mis-matching memories of the comic series with the result from The Visionary Director of 300 Zach Snyder™. Yet he finds it essential to include this missive:

” If for some reason you hate Zack Snyder’s filmic style – I’m betting right now you’ll despise this film and overlook everything else that is so incredibly dead on. ”

So if you don’t enjoy the director, you clearly won’t enjoy the movie. Of course. It makes perfect sense.

Ultimately, Harry’s mentality boils down to this:

“I WATCHED THE FUCKING WATCHMEN AND FUCKING LOVED IT! It isn’t the perfect 5 hour wet dream that I always dreamt of, but I love it. I can’t wait to see the dialogue you all have with this film, with each other and with us here at AICN.”

Which seems odd when compared to Kirk Honeycutt’s review at THR. Here, we are not in the realm of an utter geek. This is a guy who actively says he didn’t enjoy Hancock or The Dark Knight. He accepts the weekend box offices will be decent, but expects a drastic slide following that. But also, Honeycutt declares “[i]t looks like we have the first real flop of 2009.” At the same time, Honeycutt confuses the “Watchmen” name the group of heroes give themselves for “Masks.” So it is highly possible he’s unable to put simple thought processes together.

The second onslaught of “comic geek reviews” vs. “critical reviews” seems on the cusp of happening once again after the initial bru-ha-ha during The Dark Knight where negative critics were routinely threatened and scorned. Yet this race to break reviews pandering to built-in fanbases is embaressing above all other things. Reading the hordes of fanboy criticism that they’ve been waiting their entire lives for adaptations of this comic clearly don’t remember having the other attempts at Moore’s writing be shit on and stuffed down their greedy throats.

The point that these characters–aside from Dr. Manhattan–are mainly people in Halloween costumes is intriguing. But Snyder can’t have a normal story where his actors don’t move in slow-motion, Matrix-esque finesse and whose strength is capable of smashing walls and shattering bone as if they were UFC fighters. This will crawl out into an extended brawl between the two critical factions and that never ends well.

Fanboy critics claim ‘mainstream’ critics just don’t understand. And it is true. Why should they? Comic films have always been a niche property, from Superman to Howard the Duck and The Phantom. They’re made for kids and those emmersed in the culture. Mike Ragonga worries that critics will compare this to TDK and Iron Man as if they are somehow lower or less intelligent than this seemingly apocalyptic grimdark flick should be. To say that it is unfair since “this kind of film hasn’t been done before” reeks of the stupidity and self-appointment that comic nerds feel entitled to due to it being “one of theirs.” Watchmen has been done countless times before.

It’s been called Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, Apocalypse Now, any number of war and horror films, any number of action films, The Once and Future King, and god knows what else. Moore drove the piece on archetypes and brought it to a grim reality to coincide with his own dystopian views of the eighties, a culture in which V for Vendetta would arise and parody it with Judge Dredd.

Fanboys let their eyes be shrouded by a simple “hurm” muttered in-between sentences or seeing a massive CGI-blue dick in 3-D.

Sure, when we see the film, we’ll have an opinion. But man, will everyone just shut up already and let me have some peace and quiet till next Friday?

Well, it seems like this week will be more comic-focused than anything else as kids slobber in anticipation of Watchmen next week.

Samuel L. Jackson squashes any rumor that he won’t be Nick Fury by becoming contractually bound to appear as the character in nine films. Off the top of our head, that’d include Iron Man 2, Avengers, Captain America, Thor…and five others?! Yeesh. Variety has the whole deal.

Speaking of thunder gods, Splash Page spoke with Marvel Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada and Brian “WORDS” Michael Bendis after talking to director Kenneth Brannagh. People are wary of Bendis’ involvement, but he laughs it off. Let’s hope so.

IESB claims they found a possible new suit design for Iron Man 2. Mark IV Armor or another unused production model? Still way too early to tell.

Total Recall is being remade and there isn’t a goddamn way to stop or forget about it at THR. Also being geared up for a rehash is The Neverending Story from Leo DiCaprio’s production company.

In yet another “F.U. Joss” moment, the DC Comics series Suicide Squad has a writer in Justin Marks according to THR. Originally a Golden Age title heavy on scientists fighting monsters, was revamped in the 80s to focus on captured B/C-list super villains given a set of impossible missions by the government in return for their freedom. Best known character from it is the Batman villain, Deadshot. Marks’ best known work? The new Street Fighter flick coming out Friday. Oof.

Cate Blanchett joins the clusterfuck that is Ridley Scott’s Nottingham Robin Hood Whatever the fuck it is called now as Maid Marian.

Ed Helms is staring and co-producing with Steve Carell an untitled Civil War comedy about a renactor who gets sent back in time to the actual event.

Diablo Cody is going to produce a zombie love-story thing. No, I know you’re shocked. It’s ok. I’m here for you.

Did we miss anything? Should we care? Leave it in the comments, gentle reader.