Kudos to Kotaku this week for two awesome features that should delight and inspire all of us. Earlier, when they went into the behind-the-scenes of the WrestleJam! video game from The Wrestler. And today–even though Dave may not be there on Friday for CGI-fire action, team Kotaku got a hold of a DVD screener for the big release and made one of the Internet’s most favorite things.
Choice cuts include:
12:00 - Hey, it’s the Capcom logo!
12:01 - Opening shot: Golden Gate bridge. There’s piano music. Piano music means this is a classy movie. In a voice over Chun Li star Kristen Kreuk is talking about how she wanted to be a concert pianist, but things don’t always work out the way you expect them. She moved to Hong Kong and everything changed. GREAT, BLAME HONG KONG.
…
12:16 - Chun-Li’s father is not dead, but in a fancy-schmancy prison — complete with a Mac desktop! Bison is keeping Chun-Li’s father in prison for his, wait for it, connections! That’s right, Chun-Li’s father’s connections. Bison has locked him on in a cell so he can email people?! And in return for his connections, Chun-Li’s father gets pictures and digi clips of his daughter. He sits in his chic cell all day looking at pictures of his daughter.
…
Okay, we’re about twenty minutes in, it’s a Chun-Li movie, and I have yet to see any Chun-Li thigh. Maybe I missed it? How can one miss Chun-Li thigh?
Oh, Chun-Li’s mom dies. There’s a weepy scene. BUT NO THIGHS.
12:21 - Hey, it’s that guy from American Pie! He’s an Interpool cop. But I thought Chun-Li was an Interpool cop? No, moron, she’s a concert pianist!
12:23 - Some old lady tells Chun-Li to find Gen and something about a spiderweb symbol. To find Gen, Chun-Li has to “leaver her life behind,” so she says goodbye to all her servants and leaves her mansion in the rain at night. WE SEE WET RAINY THIGHS.
It gets better. And is likely better than seeing the film, but this live-blog is essential. Print out a copy and bring it with you to the theater. Or, if Brian Ashcraft were a good soul, he’d throw it up on…uh…I don’t know, maybe something rhyming with “Door-Ant” ?
