This might be the most absurd thing to happen in the final quarter of 2008…

Ladies and gentleman, the Watchmen lawsuit did not turn out like we expected.

Here’s the long and the short: In the 80s, Fox bought the rights to adapt Alan Moore’s comic masterpiece Watchmen into a movie. Then, they sat around and decided that they didn’t care about movies as much as they cared about money. This is previous to their television channel committing horrible crimes against good TV (Arrested Development, Firefly, others), and their poor decision to rush a 3rd X-Men film out under Bret Ratner that would go on to all but kill the franchise.

Needless to say, not a lot happened in the decades of Watchmen waiting that made anyone think Fox could make the film right.

So, when Warner Bros found Zach Snyder and his “faithful” adaptation rhetoric, they decided that they might as well make a Watchmen movie, because no one else was going to.

That’s when Fox should have stepped in and been like: “Wouldn’t you like to buy the rights to this film so we don’t sue you later?” But, like the greedy assholes they are, they just sat on their laurels and decided that what the movie-going audience really wanted was What Happens In Vegas with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz.

Flash forward to The Dark Knight, where everyone on the planet was exposed to The Watchmen trailer, hearlding a different kind of superhero movie before the film that redefined the genre. Suddenly, Watchmen looks like Warner’s cash cow that will keep the money rolling in untl they finally decide to release Harry Potter in the summer.

That’s when Fox sniped Warners with a lawsuit, claiming they had paid for the rights to Watchmen, despite never really committing to development. It’s like when you’re the top bidder on that awesome Chtulu action figure on eBay for weeks, only to see someone slide in and out-bid you with 30 seconds left.

Now, a judge - who is probably stupid, but let’s not spread the hate Fox deserves - has declared that Fox has the right to distribute Watchmen (specifically from the Christmas Eve ruling: “Fox owns a copyright interest consisting of, at the very least, the right to distribute the ‘Watchmen’ motion picture”).

Is Fox going to distribute Watchmen? Hell no. They’re going to keep gouging Warner Bros, who was unlucky enough to have a billion-dollar franchise film (also a Blu-Ray king) this year. It’s like you win the lottery only to have your neighbor decide that now is the time to re-zone the fence that separates your property.

Or, as Cracked.com’s Daniel O’Brien writes:

I can certainly understand the concept of someone taking somebody else’s thing. Like, if I bought bacon with the intention of cooking it, chopping it up and throwing it into one of my famous omelettes, I’d be real pissed if some jerk showed up, took all my bacon and made their own breakfast with it. Even if that jerk was Warner Brothers, and even if their breakfast looked fucking awesome.

The ruling itself suggests that Fox and Warners come to an agreement outside of court, which means somewhere in the 20th Century Fox empire, there is a meeting going on where a whole bunch of idiots are laughing and throwing out just how many millions of dollars they can suck out of a film they put absolutely no money into.

This isn’t going to effect the release of Watchmen, it’s just going to severely cut into Warners’ profit margin for Watchmen. Because heaven forbid people who take risks that pay off get to keep their winnings.

You can read the New York Times piece on the surprise ruling HERE.