We’re living in a post-Bronx Mowgli world here, people. A world where Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have somehow produced a child they decided to name after a burrough in New York City and a disenfranchised Jungle Boy raised by a bear and a panther

“Which one’s the bear?” questions non-withstanding, E! managed to tease us with an upcoming episode of The Dog Whisperer featuring fame-whoring Simpson/Wentz and their bulldogs Hemmingway and Rigby.

Laugh out loud Pete Wentz quotes: “I’m one of those weird people who doesn’t like talking to other people, but I really like talking to the dog,” he says to a camera crew he let into his house. Is that just talking at people?

Also: “I don’t ever want there to be a situation between Hemmingway and the baby, and obviously I’m going to pick my child over my dog, but you know, like, I love that dog more than almost anything.”

Almost anything? We know the baby comes in over the dog, but what about his wife, his other dog, his band, his clothing line, Papa Joe Simpson? Just what is the thing that he loves a little bit less than the dog?

My guess is: guyliner and/or disguises.