If we haven’t said it before (ED: we have), Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills make us want to puke up our breakfast whenever their faces grace our daily news-hunt. These two are slimey, useless fame-whores who concoct photoshoots using everything from a polo match to pumpkin hunting. Did you catch their ultra-conservative guns’n'beer “candids?” We did.

The worst part is that we’re all playing into their hands. Pratt played Wormtongue to Brody Jenner’s Theodin back in the day and it was all well-chronicled by David Amsden of Details Magazine:

Here’s how Pratt, also 23, and the son of a “celebrity dentist,” explains it: “What does it take to be famous nowadays? Nothing! Look at Nicole [Richie]. She’s on the cover of every magazine every week. And why? Because she doesn’t eat. Well, lots of girls in this country don’t eat. That’s, like, my whole philosophy with Brody—make him part of that. Like at first, when he started showing up in Us Weekly, people were all, ‘Who the hell is that?’ Now they’re starting to be like, ‘Hey, do you know who that is?’”

Read between the lines: none of this is real, not even for Spencer Pratt. When he was teamed up with Heidi Montag and made “the villain” of MTV’s The Hills, he found his partner in crime, someone so blonde, so dumb and so fame hungry that she was willing to do anything to cut her piece of the fame pie.

Apparently, this included eloping with Spencer…

From US WEEKLY:

The Hills star wed her longtime beau, Spencer Pratt, in a secret ceremony in Cabos San Lucas, Mexico, on Nov. 20, Us Weekly reports in its newest issue. See exclusive photos wedding photos in Us Weekly’s new issue, on stands Wednesday.

“The minute we said our vows, I couldn’t stop crying,” Montag, 22, tells Us.

At the altar, Pratt, 25, told his bride: “Heidi, from the moment you came into my life, I knew my life would never be the same without you. You are the light in my life like the sun to the earth! Your loving warmth makes me want to be a better person. Being with you, I feel complete. I’m honored to even be able to call you my wife. You are the most amazing, loving and caring woman on this planet. I will love you forever and always.”

Someone who might not be so thrilled? Montag’s mother.

“I called her right before the ceremony, sort of hinted that something that happened, but her reaction was to ask me if we were breaking up! I told her it might be something else, and she said, ‘Well, if you ever plan on getting married just know that your stepdad is really upset that you want your father to walk you down the aisle,’” Montag tells Us.

“She was starting so much drama, it kind of pushed me toward wanting to get married without that,” she adds. “I don’t know when I’ll tell her.”

A) Our mothers would kill us dead.
B) Spencer’s vows sucked, you think he could have hired a real writer (though we’ve just spent a whole post dissing you, we’re not above writing your future public statements, because we too are a special brand of whore).
C) We call divorce within a year of The Hills being canceled.