Max Payne comes out today, much to the ‘delight’ of A.O. Scott and the rest of the Internet. And while we know Mark Wahlberg isn’t a big fan of the SNL parodying him, we think we figured out why.
Because SNL is mocking Marky Mark’s actual ability to speak with animals. Sure, he can talk to a donkey, a chicken or a dog with ease. But we think he was really disappointed when his innate skill was utterly exploited by NBC. We did some research and found a few animals that Mr. Wahlberg has–on record–never been able to talk to.
5) Slowpokefield
Why Not?
Because it’s a fictional hybrid between a Slowpoke and a CGI monstrosity. Also, it had no mother Wahlberg could say hello to.
4) Bees
Why Not?
They all died before he had a chance to ask, “How’s it going, Bee?”
3) Megalodon
Why Not?
This video will show you why not.
2) Tigger
Why Not?
Cause Tigger isn’t real.
1) Longcat
Why Not?
Longcat is Long.
