The real life Carrie Bradshaw is writing a prequel novel to the Sex and the City franchise, and that has CNN’s hearts all a-flutter about who would play the self-obsessed women before they became over the hill bitches who feel entitled to the best Manhattan has to offer while people like me sit in Brooklyn and attempt not to get shot (on that note, 3 people have been shot since I’ve lived here).

Excuse me for filing this under brief absurdity rather than actually covering this as news, because while the SATC movie made enough money to strangle Sarah Jessica Parker (should she try to eat it, or anything ever) I’m still depressed that this series exists and that the fans seem to think these women are people to idolize. Because they aren’t.