TheBadandUgly.com

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008

Megan Fox Liked A Stripper

Yes, Megan Fox was a teenaged lesbian. But, really, who didn’t see that coming. Look at the way she puts those cherries in her mouth, or lets that ice cube drip down her chin; girls like that don’t just restrict themselves to one team, they play the field of sexuality. Why? Because they know it pains us normal folk who have to wake up every Monday knowing we will live through another week where we’re lucky if one person – on single person, male or female – will picture us naked.

From GQ:

Her first year living alone in L.A. was a reckless one. That’s when she started getting her tattoos (she now has seven) and exploring all the city’s weird, dark, and dangerous little corners. “I was just careless,” she says. “I would get myself into situations that were very bizarre—situations any logical person would not have gotten themselves into.”

Like what?

“Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided—oh man; sorry, Mommy!—that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop [a strip club on Sunset Boulevard]. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. I was there all the time—I would go there by myself. I bought her things—perfume, body spray, girlie stuff. I turned into a weird middle-aged married man. I felt like I had this need to save Nikita. I’d get lap dances so I could get to know her, and I’d give her what I thought were great little sound bites of inspiration—like You can do it, you’re better than this! I didn’t want her to be there.”

Why her?

“She smelled like angels.”

Seriously?

“No. Well, she did smell good. Like vanilla. She was sort of a tough badass, but she’d do these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads. She had really long stick-straight hair and was Russian. I just liked her. She was really sadistic and sarcastic and funny.”

Do you know how much it must cost to try to save a stripper? More than we make, that’s for sure. So, we’re just going to look at the above photos of Megan Fox for a bit, and pretend that glint in her eye is for us. Feel free to do the same…just don’t touch me.