Um. Hey. 24 Spoilers?

We don’t even know if this is a spoiler or not. Who knows with 24?

For all we know, we’ll only be watching the first two weeks in January, when the series begins it’s 7th season for FOX. Season 6 saw us take refuge in a Manhattan bar that gives out free shots anytime Jack Bauer kills someone, which was awesome for the penultimate episode of the sixth season (especially a certain chain-hanging), but the 24 fans at the bar had already given up on some Jesus-like plot-point saving what was 24 episodes of horrible crap, from nuke to exploding oil rig, right down to a teary Jack Bauer.

Last time we saw Jack’s daughter Kim, the beautiful Elisha Cuthbert, she was with some weirdo psychiatrist guy who pushed Jack’s buttons while a core group of cast members were momentarily locked in CTU because of a chemical threat. Then, Jack got kidnapped by the Chinese and tortured for two years, and we didn’t see any Kim in Season 6. Not that Season 6 needed any Kim, because Kim is a dumbass.

And, according to EW, Kim is a dumbass mother now:

Question: What’s the latest on Elisha Cuthbert returning to 24? — Dominic
Ausiello: Ladies and gentleman, we’ve got a signed contract! Sources confirm to me exclusively that Cuthbert has inked a deal to reprise her role as Jack’s lightning rod of an offspring for a season-ending arc that will no doubt trigger a new round of wholly outdated and painfully unfunny cougar jokes. Per my 24 mole, Kim will return minus her old beau (sorry, C. Thomas Howell) and plus a child! That’s right, Kim’s got a little puma all her own!

So, a “season-ending” arc huh? That means they better do their damnedest to make the first 12 hours entertaining. Otherwise, we won’t be around to see Kim’s down-syndrome baby.

Oh wait, that’s a Vice Presidential candidate.