Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh…ok.

TMZ, those heartless bastards who have the budget to send interns out to dig through people’s trash (used tampon found outside celebrity home!), somehow got their hands on a Vern Troyer sex tape.

Yes. Mini-me.

Now, Troyer has shot back, filing a lawsuit claiming that the tape was stolen and TMZ “violated his privacy rights and infringed on his copyright and trademark by running portions of the tape.”

One of those “portions” is below the cut. It’s SFW in a certain sense, but might not be Safe For Life.

From TMZ:

Yes, that’s Mini-Me Verne Troyer in a sex tape shot with his former live-in girlfriend at the couple’s apartment. A third party has snatched up the tape and although no deal has been made, we hear dealer Kevin Blatt, who brokered the deal for Paris’ video, is entertaining a $100k offer from SugarDVD to distribute the nastiness.