How do you think Jessica Simpson took this news? After spending a few minutes yesterday writing about her craptacular and cyclically bad career, and amid rumors that her ex Tony Romo might have skipped out because of engagement pressure, it’s easy to see how this sort of announcement could be devastating to a blonde that, by all accounts, isn’t that smart.

First, Ashlee gets a reality TV series when Jessica’s Newlyweds was breaking apart Jessica’s marriage. Then, the TV show rocketed Ashlee’s debut album to the top of the charts (All writers get bonuses for using any iteration of the phrase: “rocketing to the top of the charts”), and since then Ashlee has been out-selling, out-touring and out-dating her older sister. She even bought herself a new nose with the profits.

You could imagine the wail of a broken soul emanating from Jessica’s now-country-singing mouth when she heard the news…

From E! Online:

In a statement on their favorite news-spreading site, FriendsOrEnemies.com, Ashlee and Pete Wentz have confirmed that they are indeed expecting their first child together.

“While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child,” the newlyweds wrote. “This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family.”

Meanwhile, Jessica Simpson’s ovaries are still debating how no one wants anything to do with them, despite their host being incredibly attractive.