We were wondering how long last night’s premiere would take to un-gag those gagged with Sex and the City spoilers. We’ve got a few, we’ve got them here, and we’ve got them fresh!

- No one dies. Not one is even sick. Everything you’ve heard in this vein is rumor.

- There is a happy ending. But…

- The New York Public Library wedding between Carrie and Big is supposed to take place halfway through the film, until Big jilts Carrie at the alter.

-There is a trip to Mexico.

- None of the four main characters have any parents, or that’s what you’d think considering the wedding is lacking Mr/Mrs Carrie.

- For the other three girls, we grab directly from Fox News:

“Samantha (Kim Cattrall) and Smith (Jason Lewis) are living in Malibu, where he’s a big TV star now. Suffice to say that Samantha suffers sexual temptation watching a very good-looking couple next door have sex constantly. She is obsessed with the man, who has a body carved out of marble. Will she make him another notch on her belt, or remain faithful to Smith?”

Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) and Steve (David Eigenberger) break up when he cheats on her, but not before we see them getting graphically horizontal. Miranda’s story has an ancillary effect on Carrie, a big secret is created and used as a pivotal story point. More than that, I can’t say.
Charlotte (Kristin Davis) and Harry (Evan Handler) get pregnant. Suffice to say that Charlotte is used as the anchor of the story, but nevertheless has plenty of funny stuff to keep her busy.