Sometimes the news writes your story for you. With the WGA Strike going on and no new scripts being written, The Bad and Ugly is pitching news stories as films.
Ideas go to the highest bidder!
The Story: 41-year-old Arkansas resident Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 18th child, adding to her already large family of seven sisters and ten brothers. Also, all their names start with the letter J (monogram once, use 18 times): Joshua, 20; Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; Johannah, 2; and Jennifer, 9 months.
Title of the film: Planet Dugger
Trailer: “In a world…”: “…where initials have become obsolete…”
Starring: Angelina Jolie as Michelle Duggar, Brad Pitt as her husband Jim Bob, Shia LeBeouf as all the male children, Leighton Meester (Gossip Girl) as all the female children, except Jana, as played by Minka Kelly (Friday Night Lights).
The Plot: Sudden war kills off the majority of the population, except for the Duggar family, who takes refuge in their still-fully stocked Y2K bunker. The Duggar family emerges and begins to pro-create amongst themselves, as is their duty to the United States.
All the children seem to be fine with this, except for Jana, who is now in her mid-to-late-20s and is convinced that there are other survivors out there. She sets off across America with one of the multiple Shia Leboufs and a single Leighton Messter when she refuses to have sex with her father.
The Twist: The awkward balance that always comes along with incest comedy and end-of-the-world stories is suddenly off-set when the story jumps ahead 20 years and the Duggar compound is assaulted with multiple Minka Kelly and Shia Lebouf clones fighting under the banner of their creators in a Road Warrior-esque battle for gas.
Why it will work: A film in which the world is suddenly over-run by attractive A-List stars only gets better when you realize that they will have to have sex with each other. If that doesn’t sell you on the film, just imagine how hard you will be laughing during the final battle sequence, when you remember that the first tile was: “Based on a true story.”
