This is by far the weirdest article associated with the frantic scramble to confirm that Mariah Carey got married this weekend to Nick Cannon at her home in the Bahamas.

Thank you Us Weekly, for expanding the guidelines of online journalism:

Usmagazine.com has learned Carey’s nephew was in the Bahamas this week.
The following are Shawn McDonald’s status updates to his Facebook profile.
4/27 – Shawn is going to the bahamas for a week early tuesday AM.
4/28 – Shawn is in the Bahamas (enjoying the calm before the storm…) from Tuesday AM till Sat early evening…
4/30 – Shawn has a profound appreciation of southern hospitality.
Shawn is a witness.
Shawn can officially say that what you may or may not have read or heard is not true…
5/1 – Shawn did something tonight he probably won’t do for @least another 25+ years…

Sadly, our attempted friending of Lindsay Ronson (nee Lohan) resulted in one of what can only be hundreds of failed friend connections.

We did poke her, but that means that our status updates won’t simply refresh on our hompage.

Let’s just say that if any other print magazines need a Facebook flunkie to play Scrabble while waiting for third-degree celebrity connections to update their status, we feel like we could do that job simultaneously.

Contact us!