Shaping up to be a shitty news day here in internet-land, which means we get to play catch-up while simultaneously finding pieces that interest us for no apparent reason.

Check out Evan Rachel Wood up there, looking all hot despite still dating Marilyn Manson (the equivalent of being declared insane).

Recently Evan told ContactMusic: “People always call out, ‘Hi Rachel.’ I hate it. I’m not Rachel. That’s my middle name. They’re all dyslexic. Can’t they see Evan comes before Rachel?”

We’d like to step forward and offer Dave up to the Gods of Embarrassment, because when he saw Evan Rachel Wood in mid-town Manhattan earlier this year (probably working with Julie Taymor), he totally blanked and tried yelling “Rachel” and “Ms. Wood.”

Usually, when stars make these kinds of statements, they come off as assholes and dicks, but this time we’re going to have to give her a pass because it’s actually partially our fault.

We know your name now, Evan, though we still think Marilyn Manson is a douche and we’re totally less douchey, single, smart guys who don’t have our own brand of shitty absinthe.

Next time, we’re yelling: “Eeee-Van!”