Here’s Madonna leaving the gym with her trainer yesterday.

Just thought you’d all like to see that she has man arms, because we can’t stop thinking about it.

And not in the way we can’t stop thinking about Hayden Panettiere, in the way we can’t stop thinking about the Table Rapist.

IMG: SplashNews

This directly from the Variety article that speculates about Ben Silverman’s first NBC schedule (Silverman, pictured above in his smaller exotic garden, took over the network in June), to be unveiled this Wednesday:

“People need to escape. Ben’s programming strategy is to find some shows where people can tune in and then mentally tune out. That’s his directive, and I think you’ll see that reflected in the programs.”

We wish we had taken that quote out of context, but here it is, it’s own paragraph that basically says: NBC has a stupid lineup for you this year.

The one thing we do know for sure:

Many of the series in contention for the Peacock lineup boast a fantasy or action element, including one show just added to NBC’s 2008-09 roster: “Knight Rider,” the Doug Liman-produced actioner whose two-hour backdoor pilot snagged solid ratings in February. Project has been given an episodic order and has been mentioned as a contender for a Friday night timeslot.

Us FNL fans will finally get word this Wednesday that our show has been abandoned by NBC, and a “Friday timeslot” for Knight Rider does not sound promising for The Lights.

Here are some other previews as to the hell NBC will be raining upon your televisions this Wednesday:

Anthology skein “Fear Itself” will air on Thursdays this summer, while “Robinson Crusoe” is described as an “adrenaline-charged” update of the classic tale.

Peacock also has a deal in place with a Canadian network for “The Listener,” which revolves around a telepathic paramedic.

Another project on NBC’s hot list is “Kings,” which just landed Ian McShane as its star. Casting, plus the fact that NBC has ordered backup scripts, makes the show a logical bet to end up on Silverman’s sked grids Wednesday.

Execs are also keen on “My Own Worst Enemy,” a drama whose stock at NBC soared with the casting of Christian Slater in the lead. It’s a sort of “Jekyll & Hyde” tale about a suburban man who leads a double life as a spy.

NBC has also shot pilots for a legal drama from director Barry Sonnenfeld and the Brett Ratner-helmed “Blue Blood.” Scripts on agency hot lists include two Dick Wolf projects and a Dario Scardapane hour about a sexy former FBI agent that’s being produced by Peter Berg and Sarah Aubrey.

On the comedy front, the Molly Shannon-Selma Blair half-hour “Kath & Kim” has already been ordered to series and seems a no-brainer for the net’s Thursday lineup.

Pilots shooting soon include the Conan O’Brien-produced “Man of Your Dreams” and the Steven Weber vehicle “Zip.”

Yes, some of these sound promising, but let me jump back to another quote about why all these shows are being picked up in bad faith:

“We’re selling advertisers platforms as opposed to specific shows,” said Silverman’s partner, NBC Entertainment co-chairman Marc Graboff. “Advertisers don’t care as much about a specific show as opposed to ‘Am I getting the kinds of eyeballs I paid for?’ “

This means that NBC will only replace failed shows with something “tonally similar” so advertisers don’t pull their cash.

This means lots of new programming, which is good on the surface, but it also means low allegiance to shows that are performing slightly above the “cancel line.”

If advertisers are linked to a tone and time slot, what’s to stop NBC from pulling Heroes and replacing it with Knight Rider?

That’s drastic, but it’s the subtext of the rumor.

It’s a scary way to program television.

We told you earlier about the Forgetting Sarah Marshall team getting the opportunity to write a new Muppet Movie they way they want.

It looks like Kermit, et al are going to return to their original tongue in cheek commentary we haven’t seen since The Great Muppet Caper.

Reports CHUD:

Apparently their Muppet film is going to be incredibly old fashioned, with the familiar Muppet characters putting on a show to save an old theater (the theater from The Muppet Show?). The danger? An evil character wants to tear the place down to get at the oil underneath. It’s sort of current!

Bonus points if they can get Daniel Day Lewis to drink their milkshake.

Some interesting tidbit news from The Hollywood Reporter, who claims that Mos Def has been cast as Chuck Berry in 1950s music biopic Cadillac, described thusly: the film 1950s Chicago and follows the turbulent but exciting lives of Leonard Chess, who founded Chess Records, and the label’s artists, including Waters, Little Walter and Howlin’ Wolf.

Others tagged on are Adrian Brody as lead Leonard, Jeffrey Wright as Muddy Waters and Beyonce Knowles as Etta James.

This project could be awesome with a superior soundtrack, or it could be too mainstream to be good. You know what we’re talking about, when you’re watching a biopic and in your mind you are thinking: “That’s not Ray Charles, that’s Jamie Foxx!”

Who loves Star Wars? Everyone.

If you don’t love Star Wars, we think you might want to leave. The original trilogy still stands sacrosanct ‘round these parts.

GameTrailers.com has just finished one of their exhaustive retrospectives, where they document the history of a franchise across multiple gaming platforms. This retrospective: Star Wars video games.

We thought we wouldn’t be interested, but we did spend a great majority of this Christmas-time season playing The LEGO Star Wars Saga on Wii.

So let us geek out a little.

Part one here, additional parts below the cut!

Strangely, no one laughs through this news report about a man who has sex with the umbrella hole in his lawn furniture every once in awhile.

Look, what happens between a man and his non-sentient property shouldn’t be anyone’s business. Though, I suppose he’s asking for it when he chooses to strip down and go crazy on his table between 10AM-12PM in full view of a school.

If he had stuck to the wee hours of the morning, when we like to copulate with furniture, he would have been fine.

If one were to believe the tabloids, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were married by Star Magazine this weekend, and then promptly kicked to the curb of singledom by Us Weekly.

In all actuality, we don’t know where Brad and Angie are. Probably Texas.