Ashton Kutcher’s ridiculously bad E! show Pop Fiction tried to con us all today. This picture started floating around along with a video from Hollywood.TV, showing Hills star Audrina Partridge getting a garish, Chinese tattoo.

Not only is this sort of tattoo career suicide, but it’s just too perfect to be real. Why?

Translated, it reads: “Fried rice made with pork oil.”

You have to try harder Ashton, and start picking better “celebrities.”