Geri Halliwell has performed her newest miracle after her most popular miracles – such as fitting into a tight Union Jack dress and singing “Wannabe” – have lost some of their luster after all these years.

She’s old enough to reach the Jesus phase, and if we hope really hard, we might even get to crucify her. Or at least burn her as a witch.

Why? Let’s ask Jessica Knight about why.

School girl Jessica Knight emerged from a coma after hearing Spice Girl Geri Halliwell singing.

The 14-year-old was stabbed in Chorley and had been left fighting for her life after suffering a stroke in hospital.

However, a visit from Halliwell prompted a sudden recovery in Knight’s health.

Mum Jill Walmsley told The Mirror: “Geri sang a couple of lines of one of their songs and Jessica started moving her arms and legs.

“It was amazing. We were all in fits of giggles because we were so relieved and it was just so funny seeing her legs move to Geri’s singing. The next day, she opened her eyes for the first time.

“You just don’t expect to be sitting in the hospital and for Geri Halliwell to walk in. She gave me a big hug and said that Jessica’s story had really touched her.”

A family member had contacted Halliwell because Knight was due to attend a Spice Girls concert in Manchester, but missed it because of the attack.

Walmsley added: “It’s just such a shame Jessica can’t remember anything about it - when I told her Geri had been to visit her, she looked stunned and said, ‘No way!’

“Luckily, Geri left her a wristband from the Spice Girls concert as proof!”

Yes. Geri Halliwell sung a 14-year-old stabbing victim out of a coma. You read that right, and we aren’t bullshitting you.

We hope this ushers in a whole new ear of expecting real miracles from our celebrities.

Let us pray.

“Britney, please bless this Frappuccino we are about to imbibe as well as those migrant workers and college dropouts who toiled so hard to make it’s frothy goodness…”