But don’t worry.

Reports are streaming in that Jessica has just been admitted to Ceders Sinai with a minor kidney infection.

She’s having some pissy troubles, like that isn’t the understatement of the day.

Jessica will be released in a few hours with a “no harm, no foul” call, but heaven forbid someone famous go to the hospital without everyone reporting on it.

Getting covered in green goo about the consistency of semen is a small price to pay to get those kids in the theaters to see Indiana Jones and Crystal Skull.

People try to plug their movies a million different ways, so when we got an e-mail about Zombie Strippers, we thought that it was some sort of leftover porn e-mail from our smuttier days.

But, then we saw the poster and read the synopsis:

Worldwide media sensation JENNA JAMESON and Nightmare on Elm Street’s ROBERT ENGLUND star in ZOMBIE STRIPPERS. When a secret government agency lets out a deadly chemo virus causing the reanimation of the dead, the first place to get hit is Rhino’s, a hot underground strip club. As one of the strippers gets the virus, she turns into a supernatural, flesh-eating zombie stripper, making her the hit of the club. Do the rest of the girls fight the temptation to be like the star stripper, even if there is no turning back? Also featuring ROXY SAINT (of the Goth band Roxy Saint and the Blackouts) and Ultimate Fighting Champion TITO ORTIZ, ZOMBIE STRIPPERS is a sexy, bloody, hilarious good time!

Why Tito Ortiz got his names in all caps, we’ll never know, but we will make you aware of this preview, once again bringing together the undead and strippers.

Nice.

Check it out on April 18th it it’s been awhile since you’ve caught any of Jenna Jamison’s flicks. You might even be able to bring your girlfriend to this one.

If you had a girlfriend.

This still turned up on the interwebs of Robin Williams filming an episode for Dick Wolf’s Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (the best of the L&Os by far).

We have no idea what’s going on, but we can’t wait to see what sort of rape/murder/child abuse has to do with emptying pillows on a Manhattan street.

From The NY Post:

Britney Spears is back in the studio working on another album - but if her conservator/dad, Jamie, has his way, she’ll stop the music and concentrate on her TV career. A Spears insider said, “Britney did a great job on ‘How I Met Your Mother.’ She got the show its highest ratings yet, but more importantly for Jamie, he wants his daughter at a normal 9-to-5 job to keep her working and out of trouble. A sitcom would do that. So he’s exploring several offers for Britney to have her own show.” Spears has also been offered a guest-starring stint on “30 Rock.”

Dear Tina Fey,

Your show is pretty damn good the way it is, it doesn’t need to get celebrity flavors of the month (year/decade) to prove that it belongs on TV. Ben Silverman already likes your show, only offer Britney a part if you have something new for her to do, NOT for the ratings.

However, if Britney plays herself and dates Tracey Morgan, we’ll totally take back everything we just said.

-The B&U-

Paris Hilton fell over in Prague, where she and Benji Madden are currently on their Most Vapid Couple world tour.

Initial reports suggested that The Prague paparazzi caused the fall, and this video of the pre-and-post injury Hilton does make it look like a crazy chase.

But, these photos seem to tell a different story. A story of Hilton battling a single step down to the street, losing the battle, then face-planting.

We can’t wait until someone gets video of that part.

Is this really news? No, but if you search for it, you’ll quickly discover that the internet has dubbed this entertaining.

We’re inclined to agree with the democratic decision.

Audrina Patridge has really made this transparent.

First, we got word that there were naked pictures of her online from an “old” pre The Hills photoshoot she did trying to get into Playboy. Then, more of those photos were released without so much as a word as to where they were coming from.

Did the old pictures stink of self-release? Not entirely, but that option was there, especially with their release corresponding with the premiere of the extended Hills season on MTV.

Now, with a new photoset emerging on TMZ, it’s pretty damn obvious that Audrina is posting naked pictures of herself to bolster buzz. Ditto for her lame attempt at Pop Fiction.

We’re a fan of hot younglings as much as the next group of dudes, but it’s pretty despicable to see someone do this just for publicity.

Check out the extensive photoset for free, here.