The big news of yesterday wasn’t about Kirstie Alley being fat, it was about Universal snapping up the rights to all the Hasbro Toy lines except for Transformers and GI Joe, since Dreamworks and Paramount were smart enough to just buy the obviously valuable properties.

This means we’re entering a phase of Universal Hasbro movies, and it’s got us a little worried. This is ripe ground for hackery.

Imagine a Ouija Board movie that ends up being an Excorcist ripoff. Battleship is Hunt for Red October, but with lesser actors (the kind that would sign up for a film simply called Battleship and obviously based on the plot-less game), Candy Land is going to blow unless Tim Burton abandons his Alice in Wonderland film for it.

We won’t comment on a Stretch Armstrong movie other than to say that Bruce Fucking Campbell will draw us into the theater with his stretchy powers. Though about 70 mins into the movie, someone is going to have to pop Bruce in the microwave to re-liquefy his stretchy gel (yes, we know this is why our Stretch Armstrong broke).

One of the other properties sold over to Universal was Clue. It’s even listed in the Hollywood Reporter article as one of the rights aquired.

HEY UNIVERSAL! Paramount already made a Clue movie. It was horrible, but in a memorably horrible way. In a bad-is-good way.

We admit, we’re fans of Clue. The jokes are broad and quick and it has, like, 5 different endings and a bunch of stars looking like they had a whole bunch of fun with each other.Regardless of if you’ve seen or loved it, a Clue re-make sounds just as stupid as the rest of these potentially horrible films.

Then again, we said the same thing about Transformers before we got drunk and went to watch it.

But not everything is giant fighting robots, here.