Not enough good ideas for a full sitcom means probably not enough good ideas for a full movie, Tom Vaughan, director of What Happens In Vegas.

See, the thing is, it doesn’t really stay in Vegas. That’s the whole point of the film. Genius? No.

Dana Fox wrote this gag-fest solo. If any of you happened to go out into theaters and see Fox’s previous effort The Wedding Date with Grace from Will & Grace (that’s how little we care about that actress), we ask to please set down your mouse, push back your chair and go rent some movies.

The fact that more than half of the trailer gags aren’t funny doesn’t help our predictions for what is sure to be further proof that Cameron Diaz can’t open a movie.

The one gag that works for us is Kutcher not knowing that the “hot girl party” is a trap, only because we’re fairly sure we’d have the same reaction to a hot girl party.

But then we thought: does that make you as stupid as Ashton’s Kelso character, who seems to be at the root of most his romantic comedy parts?

And then we thought: yes.

And then we hated ourselves and inexplicably became jealous of Topher Grace who managed to step away from that show with a career.

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We reported, like everyone else, that Entertainment Tonight and the Insider had paid a rumored $200,000 for a grainy video of Heath Ledger at a “drug” party at the Chateau Marmont following the 2006 SAG awards.

The news of the tape quickly spread, despite the naïveté required to believe that Heath Ledger was somehow special being a guy who sometimes smoked pot in Hollywood. He may even have been in a room where cocaine was ingested.

Basically, he was like everyone else, ever, that didn’t live their entire life in Provo, Utah.

Maybe because public opinion is going south, or maybe because Australia’s Channel 9 will air the footage, but for some stupid reason, ET and The Insider have decided not to air the tape.

The ETOnline statement simply says:
Out of respect for HEATH LEDGER’s family, “Entertainment Tonight” and “The Insider” have decided not to run the Heath Ledger video which has been circulating in the world media.

In real world words, that means one of a few things*:

1) Now that everyone seems to know that Heath isn’t actually doing drugs on the tape, it isn’t of value to us.

2) Now that other people are going to air it, it isn’t of value to us.

3) Other people will air it, the public already knows what happens, we might as well pretend we care about Heath Ledger’s family despite spending all Wednesday trying to legally threaten people who had the video.

Either way, we know what part of ET’s gastrointestinal anatomy the Insider is inside.

*the answer is 3.

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Here we have French actor Gerard Depardieu defining the word subtlety while checking out the fat deposits on the chest of Sophia Loren, the 73-year-old Italian actress who used to be really hot.

WireImage was lucky enough to catch Gerard looking while in Spain at a film festival.

Not that Sophia isn’t hot now, but anyone who was once co-stars with Cary Grant and frank Sinatra is a little out of our age and fame leagues.

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You know what never gets old? The dance from the Thriller music video.

At this point, we’ve seen internet videos of the dance done in a Filipino prison, at a wedding, by a marching band, by Legos, on Second Life, and now on the British subway.

The only uncool thing about any thriller dance is that 25 years later, people still don’t realize that some things are cool enough to defy laws.

For instance, the awesome choreography and straight faced acting by these tube dancers isn’t seen as something that should be commended, but as a passing annoyance by the Transport for London staff, who issued a statement:”There are clearly occasions, like this, when everyone enjoys being entertained by some talented people.”There are other occasions where inconsiderate behavior can spoil a journey for other passengers. Our message is simply that a little consideration to your fellow passengers can make a real difference to everyone.”

Spoil sports.

You think hundreds of Filipino prisoners thought: “I’m going to skip rehearsal today. I could go dance like a zombie in the yard…or I can drop the soap in the shower!”

No. That didn’t happen. Thriller should be allowed everywhere, regardless of appropriate timing.

Also, if you could put us in touch with the British dancing chick who obliged.

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TMZ has a breakdown of how Britney Spears was whisked to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation. It’s a tale of craziness that rivals the previous trip to the hospital.

Here are the talking points:

- Last night, Britney’s psychiatrist came to Brit’s abode because she felt Britney had become a danger to herself and others and –possibly – hadn’t slept for days once again.

- The police knew the whole process was coming, they had even planned to move Britney to the hospital on Tuesday night. An ambulance was sent to pick up Spears and police units coordinated the move (Brit’s codename was “The Package”) so the bus wouldn’t be overrun with paparazzi like before.

-Britney was told she was going to the hospital. She asked: “Is something wrong?” Then, creepily, her reaction was to make hot chocolate and sit quietly on the floor passing notes to Sam and Adnan.

-When Lynne tried to break the silence, yelling at Sam Lufti for setting up a large, media-frenzied commitment, Britney demanded complete silence and told her mom to “shut the hell up,” just like you did when you were 15.

-After everyone arrived at the hospital and Britney was admitted for observation into her bipolar disorder, Jamie Spears (Brit’s dad) started yelling at Sam Lutfi, who had been coordinating the doctors under his watch.

-When Britney was committed earlier this month, she was mad at her father for being upset with Sam. She had lawyers draft documents to give Sam Lufti power over her parents, but they have not been signed, or that’s the rumor.

-Britney has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and hasn’t consistently been taking her meds, though she is in the hospital and clam, she even got a smoke break.

-Currently Lynne (mother) and Adnan (papfriend) are at the hospital.

-Dave needs a cigarette. Britney gets a freakin’ smoke break. All I want is the same right to kill myself slowly that everyone else has. It’s not relevant, but it’s a talking point. Discuss amongst yourselves.

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The Daily Mail has an article where Eva Longoria talks about growing up ugly.

“I was the darkest one of my family. I was the only one with black hair and the only one with dark skin,” she says.

“All my sisters were light blondes with hazel eyes. They used to call me ugly duckling. I grew up without being beautiful so I kind of relied on my personality and my character.

“I kind of developed a skill not to depend on anything superficial because I didn’t have anything superficial to depend on.”

Yeah, we feel so bad for you Eva. It must be hard to have a TV show, a crappy movie and a marriage to Tony Parker as your only consolation prizes for not being attractive enough.

We weep for you, all the way to the street where we pick up our favorite prostitutes.

We all used to go out to bars to pick up women, but we are actually unattractive. We used to also be Eva Longoria fans, but like a certain Alba, you’ve betrayed us with your idiocy.

We will still ogle your pictures, though.

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Never before have I wished that I could beat the living shit out of Justin Timberlake by drinking a commercial soft drink product.

Truly, this is why ads exist, so we are aware of all the crazy physics-defying things that we wish we could do.

Though we would have saved a few grand while shooting the commercial and left out the cameos…

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