Meet Bruce the virgin who has a very creepy relationship to his father; a man controlling his son’s sexual habits.

We think Bruce spends most of his time masturbating (something we’ll never know for sure because he doesn’t got to Hollywood).

Our favorite part is Ryan Seacrest lying to the dad about running “a tight ship” and how Ryan has “kissed a girl today.” That dad takes it well all things being considered. He’s the one to watch out for in this clip: the father. Maybe Fox didn’t let them talk about “making a promise to God,” but celibacy without a religious backing just sounds like Dad got jilted by a hussy and is forcing something on poor Bruce.

I mean, he symbolically has his son put his penis in the old man’s heart.

The key is a penis symbol, how can you not see that?

Honestly, the entirety of this clip is a second-by-second insult to the audience and poor Bruce.

Just think about that: today Bruce woke up to everyone who watches TV knowing that he isn’t going to kiss a girl until he marries her.

He’s basically priming himself for a 40 Days And 40 Nights situation.